bridgesitter

2009-07-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

just stopped by for a visit

Homeland Security

2006-04-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

Brian J. Doyle, 55

We are safe at home. What?
You don't feel safer now?

Apathy

2006-03-31T20:50:00.000-08:00

Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.
Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.

[Latin apatha, from Greek apatheia, from apaths, without feeling : a-, without; see a-¹ + pathos, feeling; see k^went(h)- in Indo-European Roots.]

There's an epidemic going on. I am vaccinated against this.

2006-03-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

This morning my daughter Anna and I were exchanging quotes through email. Everyday I have a new one delivered to my inbox and sometimes it's one I want to share with all my girls. This is the one I shared with them this morning...

" I try to live what I consider a "poetic existence." That means I take responsibility for the air I breathe and the space I take up. I try to be immediate, to be totally present for all my work." - Maya Angelou. American Poet, b.1928

Here is the marvelous quote Anna sent me in return.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our
darkness, that frightens us most. We ask oursleves, 'Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not
to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the
world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people
won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in
all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our
own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
....Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

I am so guilty...I apologize

2006-03-11T17:04:00.000-08:00

I have to confess I have not made blog rounds in quite some time. Feeling like I have the last few days with no energy to spare I thought I would just stay propped up here against the computer screen and read blogs. Well if you happen to glance at my side bar you will see alot of blogs are gone or missing. For various reasons they no longer blog, or have moved onto something else. Well I thought I'd check on Idgie. Remember Idgie? Well when I went to check on Idgie she wasn't there!!! Nope. Instead I found some very explicit pictures and my first thought was.......Oh my God who else has seen these?! Needless to say if you were here and checking there you might have seen the same things.....Not at all like the Idgie I remember. I do believe she is off with her online magazine "Dew on the Kudzu" now, and someone thought it was a great idea to put her name to something as Idgie would say "less honorable." Again I apologize and perhaps I should keep up a bit more with what you'all are up too.

signing off......

jeepers creepers.......whew!!!!!

It's yucky being sick!!!

2006-03-10T12:34:00.000-08:00

Okay so I've been home sick for a few days. I have no voice so I have been exceptionally quiet. No smirks from the peanut section please!!! I have been taking nyquil and sleeping, playing computer games and reading. These things I do over and over again. Since Tuesday. I'm not bored because like I've said a thousand times I'm never bored!!!! Okay I'm a little bored....

I don't like feeling this way. My daughter Leah is not one to write long emails. Usually she sends a quick note, and that I am grateful for. Most times she sends forwards. Now if you're like me I hate forwarded mail and I have told her this over and over. But because I didn't know what else to do with myself at this time I actually read them. I'm going to share one with you.

Long ago, (this is still me here) I gave up blaming God for everything that happened. I mean I keep reminding myself to not blame God. I think it's a human condition that most of us do when things don't go right. But anyway I know in my head that he is not the cause of all the trials in my life. He is the strength that helps me get through them. But anyway, (this is still me too) I wanted to share this letter, the ones that's been forwarded any numerous amount of times.

      Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why
did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A
daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's
failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend
is moving away.

    Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if
she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I
love your cake."

    "Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says
her daughter.
    "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"

    "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom,
those are all yucky!"

    To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad
all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way,
they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

 (Here is where I have deleted some stuff, the kind of cutesy,
too sweet, and religious for me, kind of stuff)
I'm sure you get the gest.  Or is that Jest?  Hmmmmm?

From Anne Frank's Diary

2006-03-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

quote.anne_franks_diary.amsterdam.jpg
Originally uploaded by catalina.

This picture was taken by my daughter Anna's friend Catalina. I found it on her flickr site. Though I don't write much these days, it is still there within me.

Wow.....

2006-02-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here for awhile, again.

Things have changed, so many things and everything is going so well. Such a nice change.

I love my new job. They seem to think I'm doing pretty good at it too, which makes it all the better.

I have friends here and I love my little room that I rent. I live in Poulsbo now and it's such a nice little town, of course it is much bigger so quaint ain't the word I can use anymore.

The weather has been very cold but oh so beautiful. The water that is everywhere is such a shimmering glimmering blue, the mountains so picturesque and life just feels so good for a change.

I want to thank all of you who continue to come and visit my blog, you all know who you are, I am always grateful for the kind words, the support and the humor. Life is busy, very busy, but it's working great right now. As I wrote that I had a little twinge that I might jinx my self. Pray that I don't.

love and hugs to all xoxoxoxox

....pamela

Look Who's 19------->

2006-02-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

*Emily being read to by Jessie*

Today is the birthday of my precious Emily. For 19 years we have been fortunate to have her in our midst, in our lives, in our minds and in our hearts. As I sit here and write this I am reminded of all those little things that make up a day and how she has always brightened them. Whether she was plucking flower heads off of grama's plants, dancing with her sisters in tutu's or rolling in laundry fresh from the dryer, she was a bundle of energy all wrapped up in a little blue eyed child

*Helping mom with the dishes*

She was the guinea pig when her sisters painted their nails, did their hair or when playing dressup. Emily started this world as a multi-tasker and she has shown this ability from day one. When she was little and watching movies with the family she would be busy with lincoln logs or play-doh, legos or barbies. She has always been creative in styling and designing whether her clothes, her hair, crafts or anything she puts her hands too. She can play the bass guitar, build houses and cabinets right along side her dad, she even works on her own car! I am constantly amazed at her accomplishments.

* Emily Angel painting nails *

In two weeks time this child of mine is going off to job corp and moving to Yakima where she will be seeking out new horizons, new challenges and making new friends. I am so grateful that she is in my life and by watching her and her interactions with others I have learned so much about the human heart and it's capacity to love.

*That's my girl*

Though it might be Emily's birthday she is a gift to me everyday.

*********

* I love you so much babes!!! *

--<-@--<-@ Emily @->---@->--

New Job ----- Changes ----- Interesting Facts

2006-01-26T16:11:00.000-08:00

I have a new job. I'm very excited and ecstatic about it.

I am going to work as a pharmacy tech assistant at a really awesome grocery store in Poulsbo. I start Monday. I get to wear jeans. No big deal I know, but I am happy about that too.

I am no longer working for the last company as they kept paying me with bad checks. I won't go into it, they did set things right but I just couldn't do it anymore. I am taking care of a woman though who I started with through this company and will continue to do so even while working at the pharmacy. My prior company I'm sure is not happy about it, but hey, you do what you gotta do.

Anyway as I write this from the Library I have little time left. I hope to have some kind of internet soon but as of yet, no.

Oh, interesting thing I recently learned about my new stomping grounds. I am a mile or so from a place called Keyport, which happens to have a warfare center!!! There are also 22 nuclear subs out in the water off of Bangor! (or so I've been told) I will do some research to see if this is true. Most interesting don't you think???? hmmmmm.......

gotta go...

Hot damn I'm still alive!!!

2006-01-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Well I surely am and doing fine. In the last couple of days I have moved!! Yeehaw! I am an official room mate with two other people, male and female, I am the third party and we live in a very large house on the outskirts of Poulsbo. Besides being in pasture land, (really soggy right now, we almost made a record for rainfall but were short a couple of days) there are ducks, chickens, roosters, cows and more moo cows. When the young son is home so is his dog. He's a huge mutt, (the dog) though he closely resembles a Newfoundland in body mass, that thinks he's a poodle and he's so awesome that I immediately fell in love.

Though my room is small, it is my own. I have my own bathroom now. Before I shared with 5 children in the upstairs. Alot of good and positive changes have occured. There are no more screaming children out in the hall way, no more piercing shrieks into the night by squirly girls with tempers. No honest, it wasn't me!!! There is no one on my computer should I awaken in the middle of the night.

Now get this.....They retire early as I do, and when I awaken at 5:00 am they are up and about and so we sit around the kitchen island and drink coffee and talk. It's really a marvelous thing these simple things.

I am going to do my best to mind my p's and q's and dot my t's so hopefully this will continue for some time to come. I am making an oath right here and now not to get involved in other's lives, and seriously consider it should anyone ask me to. I don't want to travel this last road again.

I will write more later. Still lots to tell.

Where to next

2005-12-30T05:19:00.000-08:00

That is what I'm asking myself?

The Four Stars in My Sky

2005-12-29T06:06:00.000-08:00

What a sorry, sorry blog writer I appear to be. Do you ever feel like so much has gone on that you wouldn't know where to start if relaying things to people that you just leave it all out? Well that is sort of the case here but not quite.

I have been anything but a blank blog lately you just can't see all that I've written because I have chosen invisible ink for my posts. No really!!
So what I'd like to do is bring out my brag book. You know what those are don't you? Those little books with photos that parents and grandparents carry around with pictures of their children, grandchildren for all to see. That is what this post is. Pamela's Brag Book!

Let me first start out by saying that Emily has gone back to live with her dad and take up her carpenter belt again. I hope that she will pick up her bass guitar again too as she is so talented in these areas of her life that when she applies herself she is a modern marvel. Her heart is as big as Alaska which is quick to love, but also quick to hurt. And even though she will be 19 soon, I think that if she lets him, her dad could help her channel all of these energies and help her to realize all that she is able to accomplish.

My Jessie is so busy of late that she is surprising even herself at the marvelous talents that she has. She is discovering her strengths and abilities, things that have been long buried. She applies herself to school full time as she is going to be a massage therapist. She is learning all the muscles, nerves, and getting A's in tests involving things I can't even spell. Because she suffered from a birth defect that has since been healed through surgery, she has a great empathy for pain in others and the ability to detect it and to help relieve it in others as well. She is also working at a job as she accomplishes this.

My darling Leah Marie who is carrying my first "blood" grandchild is still living up in Alaska. She is working full time and running a home, and if you knew Leah you'd know she is also trying to help, nurture, care and encourage all those whose lives she touches. She is a person of eternal optimism with great strength in character.

My precious Anna is moving to Barcelona at the end of January. Why? Because she can. There has not been one obstacle in my daughters way that she has not overcome, not endured or persevered through. The reason is because she carries these very attributes within herself along with steadfastness and patience. Nothing that Anna applies herself too is ever done half-assed. You will get all or nothing from that one. While she travels the world my daughter makes short films, documentaries, teaches English and Spanish depending upon where she lives, and has always found a way to support herself because of her skills and talents.

Though I Fall short of the mark....I aspire to

2005-12-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

(this is something I found on Johns blog)

Myself

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.

I don’t want to keep on the closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.

I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Source unknown

Guess what????

2005-12-15T16:07:00.000-08:00

Leah just called from Alaska and.......

It's a Boy!!!!!!!!!!!

My Leah Marie is having a baby boy!!!! I just got off the phone with her and this is so exciting. I have to call Emily at work and tell her. Oh she's going to run and look at little boy clothes I know it. Overalls and boots and truck t-shirts. Leah even mentioned that they might move back down. That would be so wonderful. So awesome!!!!

I am so excited!!!!

new baby in May!!!

snow travels

2005-12-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

snow travels
Originally uploaded by hummanna.

Anna took this. You can find it on her flickr. Isn't this so cool? I think it's one of her band photo shoot pics. I'll have to ask her. Damn, she's talented ain't she?

Oh by the way, you guys are so awesome I wish I could hug you all!!! Those for your comments and those by email! Thank you for your support.

I think bartles and james said that, right?

2005-12-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

Don't let your heart speak too loudly.
Hold the words close to your breast,
As much as you are able,
don't give yourself away.

Don't let your heart speak too loudly.
Your mind will you give you no rest.
You'll become a castaway -
a scribble on yesterdays page.

The Assumptions of Others

2005-12-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

I've recently encountered something that has been very painful for me. I'm sure that I put more stock in this then I should, but it has been really hard. I will not go into details but I will simply say that I put myself out on the table, so to speak, for someone, and for reasons unknown to me they've simply cast me aside. No explanation, no reason given, just totally obliterated themselves from my life.

The thing that is most painful for me is the fact that they have made assumptions about me, assumptions that I can only guess at. I feel terrible knowing that someone out there is thinking things about me that are not true. I am not given the chance to prove myself, redeem myself or offer any explanation at all. What hurts too I guess is that they don't even want one.

I needed to write this, I needed to tell someone, please don't make assumptions about me. You really don't even know me.

it's only 5:38am

2005-12-09T05:38:00.000-08:00

and my head is bursting with lyrics from some old songs.

Let's see here,

"what a day today has been"

"looking for love in all the wrong places"

"I'm already there"

"take this job and shove it"

yep, bursting with song today.......

I also got my usual email regarding Illustration Friday's topic for a drawing, this week it is "surprise." I have lots of ideas for that one.

are you up to it?

2005-12-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

Well I have saved you all from really bad poetry tonight.

Thank your lucky stars.

I'm working and getting overtime.

Days off you'll find me huddled in my room.

The washing machine is broken.

The microwave has died.

My computer was crashing again, but saved by the light.

I think I'm writing really bad poetry right now.

It's either that or or if you were here

I will talk your ear off

with some accent from a country

I've never been too.

Perhaps I'm stepping over the edge

the smiling yawning abyss

can't wait to take what's left of me

and chew me up and spit me out.

This is written with humor

I know I've still got.

My scrubs are soaking in the sink

stouffers is thawing out,

Thank God for my computer

it's my only way out.

Stuffed Turkey?

2005-11-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

First off before I give way to my anger and venting I do want to thank all the kind people who give to the nations food banks because without them we would not be having a Thanksgiving Dinner. They have supplied all the ingredients to make everything that is on our menu below.
Thank you thank you thank you.

Turkey with Dressing
Mashed potatoes with gravy
Sweet Potato Something or other
Swedish Corn Pudding
Green Bean Casserole
Deviled/Angel eggs
Garden Salad
Fruit Salad
Lime Jello
Cranberries
Pumpkin Bread
Norwegian Rice Pudding
Pumpkin Pie
Rolls

My morning started off so good, I was happily working in the kitchen, I had a thankful attitude, and I was happy. But.....I know those stupid buts...

I'm sorry but like I said above I am here to vent. I'm really pissed and I need to write about it.

I was up early which I do anyway, so I thought I'd get a jump on dinner because nothing was done yesterday. I made "our" traditional Family Rice Pudding, (Jessie usually makes this) Swedish Pumpkin bread (I used to make Otis Cafe Pumpkin bread) but my recipe box is missing....And my own take on Libby's Pumpkin pie. I made two dozen deviled eggs, or should I call them angel eggs?

So then I start to do the turkey. I'm careful, real careful about the germs when it comes to poultry. It's no big deal you just clean everything afterwards with bleach, right? I've got the homemade stuffing (my mother's recipe) and I'm starting to put it in the bird when all of a sudden I've got 4 faces looking at me (the three little ones ran to tell mom what aunt Pam was doing) and Ingrid's saying, "no, no, that's not how we do it!" so I say "this is how I do it." She's worrying that the stuffing will not get cooked clear through and everybody's gonna get sick with salmonella, she's worried the turkey won't cook clear through either!!! I tell her calmly that "nobody has ever gotten sick off my turkey. Never!!!"

Now she comes from a house where the turkey is put in the oven the night before at 200 degrees and cooks all night and most of the next day. I can understand why that might make somebody sick, but I cook my sucker of a turkey 350-400 degrees just as long a time as the package tells me.

She treats me like I'm some stupid idiot that fell off the turnip truck just this morning. Then she has the nerve to say, "oh well, that's okay, you can eat it, we won't" they are going to have stove top stuffing instead. Well that is so good for you with all the sodium and all. I mean three of the kids are vegetarians anyway. I wanted to take that damn turkey and throw it out the window. I still might. I mean after all I'm surprised she'd even let us have turkey in the house because, well geeze, maybe it's going to give us the bird flu or something. I don't know if she's seen that huge ham in the fridge yet. What she gonna do about that? Ham is an abomination after all, being from a pig and all.

Oh and rice pudding is made of milk and they all have allergies to milk, but hey not ice cream. They can eat a gallon in one sitting. What to add to make the potatoes mashed?

Now you see I think I had a right to get upset, of course I could have chose not to, but I lacked the strength at this time. I mean she gets up at 10:00 and nothing has been done for today. She walks by the kitchen and puts her head in and says "thanks for helping" I chuckle to myself. This might seem petty to everyone out there, but it's just one more thing here.

I had the best attitude all day until that thing with the turkey. I think the polite thing to do would have been for her to not say anything. Just not eat the stuffing. This is like when she upset the woman at the church potluck because she told them they shouldn't put pork in their beans! Whewwww, the Pastor had a talking with her. She don't go to that church anymore now.

This is like how everytime you wipe the counters you have to put the rag in the dirty clothes. You can not use the same rag twice, even if you put them in bleach water. When enough rags get used she will presoak them for 45 minutes before washing them. Can you image how much time is wasted in presoaking? Presoaking socks, towel's? I mean she leaves them sitting in there, I go to do some wash and the washer might have 5 pairs of socks in the basket soaking. She scrubs the dishes, I mean washes with soap and water "all" the dishes, then she puts them in the dishwasher. When she's not around I throw all those puppies in the dishwasher without that wasted step and they come out just as clean.

I am saving my money and getting the hell out of here. Emily is working now at Wal-Mart and she loves it. She's seeing lots of "normal" people everyday, lots of co-workers that she can laugh with and have a good time. She loves working the cash register and anything else they have her doing. (My thoughts on Wal-Mart at another time) But right now my daughter is happy, she's making money, getting out of the house and she's thriving again.

I'm working alot now too which is a good thing. I could work over 40 hours a week if they'd let me, but no overtime is allowed. I've got 3 patients/clients in Poulsbo, and one woman on Bainbridge Island. There is alot of driving involved but it's a good time for psyching up or winding down, also for daydreaming....which is a wonderful coping skill. Thank God gas prices are down.

I'm starting to calm down now, but someone needs to hold me back cause I still want to go and throw that turkey out the window!!! Should I? No I will not throw that turkey out the window. Maybe I should throw Ingrid out the window?! Hold me back, hold me back!!!

Oh and by the way, it was my birthday yesterday, I'm not ashamed to say I have survived 48 years on this planet and I expect that should I live another 48 they are going to be better then the first. Do I hear any amen's to that? If you don't say amen then say "here here" or "hear hear" or "Yeah Yeah" or "whatever" just say it and get it out.....I feel better now.

And even though I had to let off some steam, I am very thankful for many things. Many many things and many many people. ciao

Happy Thanksgiving by the way.

kitty wompus again

2005-11-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

Well I have been trying to get my blog to behave the same on IE as it does on Mozilla. It could care less what HTML's I'm using or anything else for that matter. I will just say to see my blog the way I intended it is best to use Mozilla.

Perhaps you will notice that I do have a different format. This is because I threw the other by the wayside because It would not hold photographs and my sidebar level on the page. My sidebar was continuously down at the bottom making it difficult to find my other links. Charles and Carl I even made the photo's smaller and it still didn't work. But I thought of you guys in the process ;-)

Life is going good. My job is doing well. Well parts of it. I have aquired more patients and more hours all of which is good. The sad part is that one of the ladies that I took care of passed away. I feel sad because I had only met her, I stayed with her for 4 days and 3 nights, but on the following thursday she passed away. I imagine it comes with the territory, the wondering if there was something I could have done, etc.... but she was very ill and they did not expect her to last long. This is supposed to be a consolation I must tell myself.

That is all for now.

Where have all the flowers gone?

2005-11-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

flowers spun,
summer is gone,
warm balmy breezes have blew by
The leaves are dropping
colors changing as they fall
the earth caresses them
in dewy drops
and moisture kisses
Sliding sun behind the mountains
gone much too soon for me
I strain my neck across the railing
kiss me once more before you leave
blinding rays with misty haze
the setting of the sun
~me

I know it sucks, but hey, it was there, I wrote it and
now it's done. I still take credit for it. I am responsible
for my ways, my errors, my mistakes and my bad poetry.
I have been informed today that my children have no morals,
I am a bad example, and christians shouldn't eat pork.

If I could take full responsiblity for the way my children
turned out I would, but it's not my doing. God gave them
brains and damnit they use 'em. I happen to think my
daughters are wonderful. Loving, caring, considerate, their
good to their mama, and their daddy, and a true pleasure to be with.
They have ideas and opinions, their inovative and creative and
and I think they have marvelous integrity.

But.....otherwise everything
is going along and we are all surviving. My sense of humor
needs a little lift. Anybody got any good jokes. Where is
Cliff when I need him?

Oh and by the way everyone, I was back looking at some
old comments made by you and well you have all touched
me deeply, made me laugh, made me cry and made me think.
Damn, I hate it when you make me think.....but yet,
I am grateful to the lot of you. xoxoxoxoxox

bridge

The Grave

2005-10-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

The grave that they dug him had flowers
Gathered from the hillsides in bright summer colors,
And the brown earth bleached white at the edge of his gravestone.
He’s gone.

When the wars of our nation did beckon,
A man barely twenty did answer the calling.
Proud of the trust that he placed in our nation,
He’s gone,
But eternity knows him, and it knows what we’ve done.

And the rain fell like pearls on the leaves of the flowers
Leaving brown, muddy clay where the earth had been dry.
And deep in the trench he waited for hours,
As he held to his rifle and prayed not to die.

But the silence of night was shattered by fire
As guns and grenades blasted sharp through the air.
And one after another his comrades were slaughtered.
In morgue of marines, alone standing there.

He crouched ever lower, ever lower with fear.
"they can’t let me die! they can’t let me die here!
I’ll cover myself with the mud and the earth.
I’ll cover myself! I know I’m not brave!
The earth! the earth! the earth is my grave."

The grave that they dug him had flowers
Gathered from the hillsides in bright summer colors,
And the brown earth bleached white at the edge of his gravestone.
He’s gone.

Don McLean

Dreidel

2005-10-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

I feel like a spinning top or a Dreidel
The spinning don't stop when you leave the cradle
You just slow down
Round and around the world you go
Spinning through the lives of the people you know
We all slow down
How you gonna keep on turning from day to day?
How you gonna keep from turning your life away?

No days you can borrow, no time you can buy.
No trust in tomorrow. It's a lie.
And I feel like I'm dippin' and divin'.
My sky shoes are spiked with lead heels.
I'm lost in this star car I'm drivin'.
But my air sole keeps pushin' big wheels.
My world is a constant confusion.
My mind is prepared to attack.
My past a persuasive illusion.
I'm watchin' the future it's black.
What do you know?
You know just what you perceive.
What can you show?
Nothing of what you believe.
And as you grow, each thread of life that you leave
Will spin around your deeds and dictate your needs
As you sell your soul and you sow your seeds
And you wound yourself and your loved one bleed
And your habits grow, and your conscience feeds
On all that you thought you should be
I never thought this could happen to me.

I feel like a spinning top or a dreidel.
The spinning don't stop when you leave the cradle.
You just slow down.
Round and around the world you go
Spinning through the lives of the people you know.
We all slow down.
How you gonna keep on turning from day to day?
How you gonna keep from turning your life away? Oh..

I feel like a spinning top or a dreidel.
The spinning don't stop when you leave the cradle.
You just slow down.

Don McLean

Flannel wrapped

2005-10-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

beacon blinking blue and black
squawking seagulls in the dark
dark shadowed limbs of cedar trees
these in the morning welcome me

slippery deck with moss and dew
sliding slippers way to soon
embers from my cigarette
light the darkness beside the moon

steamy creamy sweet and hot
coffee in my heavy cup
morning moisture on the railing
flannel sleeves a constant warming

fingers reaching through the dark
grasp tendrils of light and spark
gently cradled and flannel wrapped
to warm my bones and ease my heart

Observations in early fall

2005-10-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

This evening I watched the sun set over the Olympic Mountains. It was so beautiful. When the sun had finally gone down, there was an awesome star, I believe it was Venus, but it shone so large and so brightly it was unbelievable. There were a few small cigar shaped clouds that hung in the sky that were so illuminated by the setting sun that they looked like gold disks floating above the mountains. It was a really beautiful evening here. The sun has been out all day and felt so warm, no winds that whipped up from the shore, just shimmering, glimmering water and beautiful blue skies.

I've gotten into the habit of late to wake at 5am and after grabbing my much needed espresso I head to the deck where I am alone with cigarettes and coffee. A very good time of the day when the world seems asleep. I can look out over the water to where Port Ludlow is and see lights coming on in the homes, the tiny lights of cars that are starting to travel the road there. The trees are turning autumn colors the Japanese maples already in full red regalia. I love to see the multicolored leaves scattered through the streets and on the sidewalks.

Where is this post going? No where really, just making observations.

I still have part of my mind!!

2005-10-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

We have been here now 52 days I think. That is almost two months. Alot has happened and a lot has not happened.

I have a JOB!!!!

I am now what is called a Home Care/Companion. I am one of those people who help your grandmothers, grandfathers, or anyone that might need a little extra help around their home. Whether it be in bathing, meal preparation, running errands, drives in the country, or just sitting around shooting the bull. I am good at these things. I am taking care of one woman at present who really seems to like me. She is a little Scandinavian woman nearing 90 and she likes my Scandinavian looks. Ha ha!! She also likes the way I place her towels on the towel rack, the way I offer to clean her floor and her cupboards, and she even trusts me to wash her valuable dishes!!!

I like this job. I get to get lost in more places now then just in Hansville. I'm learning all the roads not to take when trying to get somewhere and how not to find my way home. My hours are still minimum but these will increase when I take a course that will certify me. Then I will be certifiably insane and then they can place me in more homes. You see I still have my sense of humor intact. A little rusty but it still works. It is my greatest coping skill.

Lets see what else is going on????? I can't write about it yet. Crazy!! Unbelievable!!! But.......
I am selling my jewelry in a local gift shop and that is really awesome. Right now the same woman has bought my jewelry. 3 bracelets and now a necklace. I love this woman who ever she is. When I see her, should she happen to be wearing any of said jewelry I will kiss her feet. She has helped to keep me in gas and smokes, two necessities right now. Oh, God lets not forget the coffee. Yes good strong coffee!!!

I also have Randy and my ex-husband to thank for helping to keep Emily and I stocked in gas, various sundries, money that goes to Ingrid, and emotional support, this offered by other bloggers who know who they are ;-)

Anyway, I won't go into the family dynamics at this point because I might start pulling my hair again, and I can't afford to lose anymore!!!! Let's just say that I get a lot of blank stares from the Queen of this castle. We live in a very large castle that is surrounded by 6" tall fences, and I fear that no one will get out alive. I speak English and I haven't figured out what language she speaks yet. It's foreign, very foreign. Excuse me if I'm making light banter here but that is what is required of me right now. I have to keep my heart light, my sense of humor up and keep plodding away until such time I figure out what in the hell I'm doing here. I have to remind myself that we needed a place to go, and the Queen asked us here so that we might help in maintaining her castle and subjects.

Ahhhh Leah, You make your mama proud

2005-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

@ @

--<-@->-@-@-@-<-@->--

@ @

There once was a girl named Leah
who went by many a name
first it was baby, then t'was buddha
this because of her shape

Some names never stuck, But as she grew older
her sisters came up with more
a nickname that stayed t'was quite the bolder
it be Leah Maria tortilla,!!!

Now because it's her 21'st birthday
A time of harassing and honor
It's time for us to celebrate
the Birthday of my precious daughter

So join me if you would
in sending her birthday wishes
She's finer then rubies and diamonds
and a lover of hugs and kisses

Many a time of emergency baths
But so full of ruffles and laughs
It won't be too much longer now
Before she's a mother with class.

Let me introduce you to the newest
addition to our family,
oops, we don't know the name
or the sex yet,
But I will keep you posted.

O
Leah,
Today let my words surround you
with hugs, loves and kisses
my hope
my prayers
my everything
is tied to your
birthday wishes
I love you Leah Marie!!!

Happy Birthday
!Baby!

xo

2005-10-07T02:59:00.000-07:00

I just came in from pacing the deck. The stars are out in all
their glory. The sky is filled and I can imagine where we are
in the milky way. Spinning near the tail end, spinning, spinning
and spinning. I am not even a particle of dust in this vast
galaxy. There is no time out there, really. If there is it moves
so slowly as galaxy's and suns, stars and planets just move
endlessly outward.

I heard a pastor say one time many years ago,
"When God said, let there be light, he never retracted what
he said and so light shoots ever outward and the universe
expands." Mind boggling.

Such heavy thoughts for so late at night or early in the
morning. Such chaos today, such unrest in the house and
such turmoil inside me.

I love this picture so much........

2005-10-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

Angela took this using the cartoon feature of my camera. I didn't even know it had this feature. Or the one that does negatives. I learn something new everyday from these kids.

Jumping through hoops

2005-10-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Well about that job at the casino....I had to tell them no. No more hoops am
I jumping through for you. The last hoop seemed to be asking more then
any place or person of business should ask of another human being.
I don't know where the Patriot Act figures in on all this, but my privacy
would be totally obliterated by the time I finished with all that they require.

I've sent everyone away, I'm going to take a day and have a little nervous
breakdown. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow. I will put my cynicism back on
in the morning, wrap myself in my coat of sarcasm later after coffee, but
for the rest of today my eyes will rest on the spots that are on the insides
of my eyelids.

I want to be a Rock

2005-10-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

simplicity

How happy is the little stone
that rambles in the road alone,
and doesn't care about careers,
and exigencies never fears;
whose coat of elemental brown
a passing universe put on;
and independent as the sun,
associates or glows alone,
fulfilling absolute decree
in casual simplicity.

-emily dickinson

It's been along time I know

2005-10-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yep, long time. Excuse my language but same shit, different day. That is the voice of discouragement, frustration and weariness.

I thought I had a job, now I'm not so sure. Long story, won't go into it. You know what's got me really discouraged? The price of gas. I think the discouragement starts there then fans out. Should I explain that? You need gas to drive your car so you can get a job. You need a job so you can buy gas so you can get to your job. Without a job you can't get gas to drive to the gas station so you can fill up so you can go to work. Did I just say that over and over again? Oh well, I've got lots of time and no money. I'm not whining but I'm pissed off.

I'm angry, frustrated and have been hitting my head against a brick wall that has a female name. I usually think I have a voice of reason but you wouldn't know it. Emily is beside herself, I am beside myself, I refuse to believe that I am a failure. I know I am supposed to be here for some reason. I know it. Inside myself it sits there like a rock. Purpose. But.....For God's sake what is it?

Am I supposed to be learning patience? Longsuffering? I am I am!!!!

I have taken an active role in the home schooling here. The kids are way behind. I mean over a year behind. The two oldest ones, haven't even finished yet. They should be graduated.

There is absolutely no structure, no rules, nobody that makes anybody do a damn thing around here. When I try to get somebody to actually mind their mama, I become the bad man. The kids play video games all day. There is no bedtime. The youngest will be up till midnight or later. By the time everybody actually rises around here, breakfast fed, it's dang near 1:00 in the afternoon before school starts. This is frustrating for me because I am an early riser. I also tend to go to bed early. Last night I was awakened by a child at 12:30 in the morning eating ice cream and laughing at me. What the hell is up with that? I try to explain things, but there is no concept of time.

The mother is never on time for a damn thing. I'm serious. Keith said the only time he can remember his mother being on time for anything was when they set the clock ahead. I know it's not my responsibility to fix things. But they do not live in the real world here. Someone is waiting for a man to come and marry her, raise her children, pay her bills, and be the loving strong Christian man that she needs.

HELLO!!!!

Maybe I shouldn't go on this way, maybe writing about this is morally wrong. Maybe the thoughts I'm having are morally wrong. I do want to say though that everything I write about that pertains to my situation, these are all things that we have talked about among us. I am not saying something here that I have not said directly to the parties involved. Maybe the thoughts I'm having are killing me. Emily is starting to suffer. I will not allow anyone to call my daughter Evil. No One!!! She is loving, compassionate, gentle, and headstrong, but she is a walking fury lately. She can't understand how anyone can proclaim love and Christianity and be so blind. Do the things she does. Be so oblivious to the real world. Ingrid actually believes that Emily introduced her kids to swearing! She actually believes that before Emily came her children never watched an R rated movie. Now I don't condone all R rated movies, and I certainly don't think young children should be viewing most of them, but Emily is 18 as Sherri is. They have seen the movies, they have heard the words.

I'm just very furious right now. I'm angry, frustrated, discouraged and honest to God I haven't felt like this most of the time here. Just today as the rain has fallen heavy and steady, the world feels so very faraway and I'm wondering if there are sane people out there, anywhere, I really needed to vent so thank you and good night. Oh wait, it's only 9:54!!!!

If this sounds too whiney or what ever to you, then push the next button and get off my blog gawd damnit!!!!

Damn where's Charles when I need him?

Happy Birthday Sweet 27!!

2005-09-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

Anna second from right traveling to the beat of a different drum.

Always ready to try new things.

Always thinking and learning.

A bright and shining star.

Such a wonderful sense of playfullness.

Happy Birthday

--<-@ Anna Maj!!!! @->--

--<-@--<-@--<-@--<-@--<-@--<-@--<-@

My baby is 27 today on the 24th of September

You are my first born,
the one I learned so many lessons with.
The child who suffered from my
inexperience and
who despite my mistakes,
my clumsy fumblings
at motherhood,
grew into an elegantly beautiful,
exceptionally bright,
witty, wonderful,
loving and compassionate
human being.

@->--

Talk about miracles!!
You are the first
that happened to me!

@->--

The world is such a better place
because you are in it!!!

@->--

I love you so much!!

2005-09-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Falling Feather

I just happened to be out on the deck when I turned the corner and I saw this feather floating down, I put my hand out and it just fell to rest on the palm of my hand. What kind of bird do you think lost this feather?

Old Newspaper Clipping

2005-09-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Ingrid on the left and me on the right and a boy who I'm sorry to say I cannot remember. Poway, California 1969-'70?

The above newspaper clipping brought back many memories, mostly the smell of linseed oil that permeated the air while trying to paint in Agnes Trestrails Oil Painting class. It's so funny how looking at a picture can bring back so many things. I remember the shirt I was wearing, the texture and the pointy collar, the blue skirt and the belt that came with it. Even now I cringe when I think of those shoes I was wearing. Eegads! Gross! Crinkly white patent leather shoes!!

I was very proud of that painting though, I think I did a really good job on that horses head. Somewhere amongst all the moves we did at that time in our lives, the painting got lost, along with a lot of other things.

Emily asked me this question.....

2005-09-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Why are you acting like everything is normal around here?"
This was my reply:

"I'm not pretending like everything's normal
I'm just grabbing onto the moments that are."

Is this called escapism? Or trying to keep the peace?
or the sign of someone losing their mind? Or all three?

Also now that the grandfather knows, I can share this wonderful news!!!!!

I am going to be an official

"Grandma"

My Leah Marie who is living in Alaska
is going to be a mother!!!! Yes she is and I'm very excited.

Thank you, thank you very much!!!!

Pies, Muffins, Zucchini and Stolen Flowers

2005-09-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a very busy couple of days. Emily has been in her element more or less, if we could minus the stress it would be perfect, but anyway there's been a whole lot of bakin' goin' on. Emily and Sherri were the main bakers, but I think all the kids helped out in this endeavor, except Chris. Here is a couple of pictures of Chris and what he does most of the time. I must mention that Keith did a majority of the dishes, I was so proud!

First we have had waves of Zucchini bread, Zucchini muffins and fried Zucchini with onions. Delicious!! Then yesterday we had numerous pies, muffins and sculpture created in the kitchen out of lots and lots of fresh picked blackberries. The kitchen was a very scary place to be for a while as the flour was flying, the berries were gliding along the floor, some ended up on the beige berber carpeting and of course the inevitable blackberry throwing in your face contest!

I'm adding links here so you can go and explore the many creative talents of the kids in this home. First I will add the link to the Pies and stolen flowers now I will add the link to a study of Flash Gordon, now here is the Study of Keith. Here is the set that combines lots of pictures taken by the children of the Hansville Tribe and finally for now anyway, is the adventures of the Hansville Tribe.

Results of Poll on Evacuees

2005-09-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

Poll: Victims of Katrina
Last weekend, a team of interviewers directed by The Washington Post, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health conducted the first poll of New Orleans evacuees living in Houston emergency shelters. The survey's goal: to capture the attitudes, experiences and plans of those hit hard by the storm.

To see the web page please click on the above title.

I have so much to say

2005-09-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

Boy do I! But somethings I can't write about as they are much too personal, somethings are too close to home. But I also have lots of questions, and I don't think questions are going to harm anyone, so I will put some forward and would ask for your opinions. Of course I have my own opinions and I'll probably share those as well because after all this is my blog, right?
Okay, here goes.

Is the little mermaid an abomination?

Do you think paintings from famous painters from history, say between the 12-18 century should be censored and all nudity covered?

Do you think it is proper or healthy to show children, say between the ages of 5-18, the graphic photos of abortions?

Should you ever call your children evil, terrible?

Can any of you imagine my take on these issues?

That is all for now.

Your assignment should you decide to take it is:
If you do comment, please leave more then a yes or no and explain your answers.

Thank you, this message with self destruct in 5 seconds.

I'm skirting here....

2005-09-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm skirting around here, dancing in circles, doing a little tango, skirt flying through the air as I dance my way around the issues.

Today pulling myself out of bed my second thought is of steaming hot creamy sweet coffee and a morning cigarette, I make my way down the stairs quietly not to wake a soul. Ingrid is in the kitchen before me, finishing up some cleaning that didn't get done the night before. First thing she says to me is that I need to hear what "so and so" I can't remember, said about how the week before the hurricane blew into New Orleans the people there were planning on something called Decadence week, (I could be wrong in the name there) Damn I wish she wouldn't do this to me. I asked her if she knew that the ones who suffered the most were the poor, the black, and thousands of children? You see now she is worried that God will come and judge Seattle. This all has to do with how America has allowed 40 million abortions, homosexuality, drunkness, etc.

I reminded her of scriptures that I read in Sojourners Magazine about how rain falls on the just and the unjust. Grace is something we don't deserve, that God doesn't give us what we deserve or we'd probably all be dead anyhow. Just look at all the wonderful things we've done since we set foot on American soil. Naturally this doesn't get me far. She says because we have not stood with Isreal and have allowed the Jews to be removed from Gaza that we have just allowed all of God's wrath to be rained down upon us.

There was a scripture verse in the article that I thought explained alot and I want to put it here. (this situation is bringing out all of my years of past bible study lessons, so bear with me okay?, I can fling scripture with the best of them)

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." (I Kings 19:11-12)

After reading this I would surmise that natural disasters will occur, shit happens, but God isn't the one who creates the havoc, he supplies the grace to get through it. And because I am who I am I have to wonder about the ones who didn't get through it,.... but that is for another time.

Somethings I've been thinking about

2005-09-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

"The only place I've ever seen
justice is in the dictionary."
Who wrote that?

Sometimes you just have to take that leap
and build your wings on the way down.
-Kobi Yamada

What am I supposed to do?

2005-09-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

There was a few minutes ago a raging seething beastly sound right outside my room. It was incessant, howling, badgering, annoying and needless to say driving me crazy.

It was Christy. She's 9 years old and this is how she reacts to anything anybody might do to her that she doesn't like. Her sister Sherri in a playful/teasing attitude dropped Christy's barbies over the stairs. True, this wasn't very nice, but I don't think it merited the treament the rest of the family got by any means.

It wasn't a second before Ingrid came running up the stairs to yell at Sherri, calling her a terrible and cruel person. Hard words I think for sibling teasing. Anyway after Ingrid is gone back down the stairs Christy continues this noise. She does this while playing with the dolls, just howling away. I ask her to stop nicely, I tell her she sounds like a grizzly bear and would she please stop because it's hurting my ears. This gets me nowhere. She is standing two feet from my door. I head to the bathroom to get some water because I think a good cold splash in the face might bring her to her senses. While I'm gone Emily has covered Christy's mouth and told her to stop it. I come out and douse her with water. This really isn't an assault, were just trying to get her to stop. The rest of the kids are standing around watching, Ingrid comes back up and Christy is able to stop howling long enough to tell her what I did and what Emily did. She is back at the howling, it's a deep guttural growling howling, like an off key siren.

Christy is still howling while Ingrid tells me not to throw water on her, and Emily not to cover her mouth. She tries to get her to calm down but she won't. She keeps howling. Ingrid is bombasting the rest of us as if we are all at fault for Christy's behavior. Sherri shouldn't be cruel, on and on and on.

I'm very frustrated as one might imagine because this is not my child I can't spank her or any other such thing. I thought a cold glass of water to the face might just shut her up for a minute so I could talk to her. It didn't and I couldn't. Christy is now howling in her room.

My advise to the other children was to stay away from her. Don't cause her any aggravation, if she can't deal with the family and all it entails let her feel the isolation of that. Of course I said much more, but probably mostly to hear my self talk as I know kids will be kids and will continue to tease her to get that reaction.

Please someone tell me what you might do in a situation like this?

Off Of CNN

2005-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Some of the Littlest Survivors of Katrina

I for one am very thankful for everyone who is there now, finally, helping the children. Look at these kids, and look at the arms that are holding them. Thank you, I wish I could do the same.

Let me introduce you

2005-09-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Ingrid

Angela & Emily

o me o my o

Beautiful Sherri Anne

Angela, Christopher, and Christy

Christopher with a rare smile

Woman on the Edge

me, Emily and Angela

Angela showing me a book on sea life

Michael & Keith Fishing over the deck outside our room-
nothing down there but bushes- good practice casting I guess

Sherri & Em, cousins/friends

Keith Weird Eye Guy

Christy Computering and playing with Bratz online

Our New Home

2005-09-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

It's Monday morning and the sun is trying to shine through the heavy cloud cover. This is Emily's and my new home. If you click on any of the pictures you can get a larger image.

The Upper Room

West Side of Deck Looking North

South Wall

North West

Facing North

Christy 9, Michael 7

Because I have not had much contact with Ingrid in the Last 15 years I was always under the impression that she had 7 children. But for some reason I could never remember the 7th child's name. When we arrived we all had the biggest laugh because there was no 7th child. So Michael left the room and came back with knees in his shoes and became the child with the name no one could remember.

This is Angela 12

This is Keith 14

I don't have pictures of Chris yet, or Sherri, and none of the pictures I have of Ingrid will she let me put on flickr. So I will have to wait on the rest. But in the meantime here are a couple of shots of Poulsbo.

Jelly Fish in Poulsbo Harbor

More Jelly Fish

Michael has a habit of doing what his mother tells him not to do. Example above.
He stayed there for at least 15 minutes and wouldn't come down.

The Poulsbo Viking Man looking out over the Poulsbo Harbor

Ingrid pointing out Jelly fish and crabs.

A simple houseboat for rent. There are many houseboats some like floating mansions.

Dock and a Walkway that follows the shore.

Looking North from our Window in the Upper room.

Sitting up in our Home

2005-09-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

I am writing this from the comfort of a large tote that I sit upon. But I am sitting at my new computer desk. Yes I have a brand new computer desk that my daughter Emily and my niece Sherri Anne bought for me at a garage sale. 15 bucks, it looks brand new. It has overhead cabinets, two drawers and is perfect. Also I have DSL! Chris the oldest, the one who's always on the internet all night, well during the daylight hours that he's up he has an online Xbox set up in his room where he needs DSL. We have struck up a deal. When he's sleeping I get his cord, when I'm sleeping he gets it back. Hopefully though we will be able to arrange his clock differently soon, of course it's not for me to do, I realize that . There is much to explain, but I don't really feel right about putting it on my blog.

I will share pictures so you can see what I see. I'll even let you see pictures of our room, it's a little crammed with stuff, but it's still cozy and it's our home. We have our own very large deck that surrounds three sides of our room. Ingrid calls this the upper room. I guess it is.

This is a long weekend so hopefully on Tuesday I will get a call back on at least one of those jobs I applied for.

That is all for now.

2005-09-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

Arrrgh!

2005-09-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday. I know that much.

For having so many people in this house it is rather quiet. It's very nice. The street we live on is also very quiet. There is virtually no traffic. No sirens, no bright street lights and no noisy neighbors. I guess we would probably be the most noisy neighbors when we get loud.

Did I mention that the room Emily and I share is upstairs and it's as big as my whole house practically that I left behind in Depoe Bay? Yes it is. Should you happen to look at a map sometime of Washington state you will see a Peninsula that is below Whidby Island we are on that. At the top of the Peninsula is a flip like curve that branches out westwards, we are on the west side of that.

Please forgive me if I repeat things, I have gotten to where I don't know if I've written something, or just thought something. Until I get my computer hooked up to the internet my time spent on this one is short.

Christopher is 19 and seems to have a different time clock then the rest of the family. This morning when I got up at 6 am he was sitting here. This is where he was sitting when I went to bed last night at midnight. At present he seems to avoid any social interaction with his family by sleeping while they are awake.

I am off today to look for work closer to Hansville then Poulsbo is. There is a Casino that is called Point No Point that is run by the S'kallum Tribe which is down the road a few miles. There is also small towns called Kingston and Port Gamble that are much closer to Poulsbo.

Ingrid and Michael and Christy and I/me went to Poulsbo day before yesterday and it has gotten so large. The restaurant that I worked at in 1977 is still there but larger, and has a different name. The buildings are still pretty, some with painting on them like a small Scandinavian town might have. There is a statue of a Viking in the park that I took pictures of. I took many pictures but must wait before I am able to post them. We spent a
long time down by the water looking at boats and very beautiful jelly fish that were swimming close to the docks. I constantly have one hand on my glasses and my other squeezing my camera. It is so like me to drop them both while bending down to get a picture.

Yesterday a man came over named Peter. Ingrid has apparently met this man while out garage saling and other places. He has invited us to a Medicine Wheel Healing Service. I'm not familiar with that but I am very much interested in Native Ameriacan Culture. I think I will be going. The S'kallum tribe has all but lost it's culture, but they are building and restoring all they can. They are building a Long House, and many other things to benefit the people of their tribe. There are not many of the Elders left that know of their culture or their language so they are scrambling trying to pass this information along to their young. I guess it is a recent development since the Casino. But then again I really know next to nothing on this topic but I will try to find out what I can.

The House in Hansville

2005-09-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well Emily and I have been here since, ya know I don't even know when we got here. There is no sense of time here as everyone seems to stay up to all hours of the day and night. They have a computer which I am using as I write this from their school room. Yes they have a large school room in this house that sits off of the laundry. It has a library, lots of books, a huge table, couch and various other things that would make up a school room. Oh lets not forget a couple of old time desks that I assume are for the younger children.

I will have to confess that I made a mistake in thinking there were seven children. There are only six. This explains why when ever I have tried to name all the children there was always one whose name I could not remember. We have all had a great laugh over this, so Michael who is the youngest at 7, came around the kitchen with his knees in his shoes pretending to be that nameless child! I will post some pictures as soon as I get my computer up and running as the set up they have here is far too complex with too many pieces of equipment, and more wires then carters has pills. Please remember that I have only met the two oldest which are Christopher who is 19 and Sherri Anne who just turned 18. These first two are very tall. Christopher towers over me by about a foot and a half, Sherri Anne by about a foot. Then we have Keith who is 14, Angela who is 13, Christy who is 9 and Michael who is 7.

I have much to write about but I wanted to say that I have found these kids to be marvelously bright and intelligent. Many times my jaw has dropped in wonder as Michael or Christy are able to use more intelligent words then I can think of as I write this sentence!

Question

2005-08-31T23:43:00.000-07:00

I do not have my computer up and running yet, but Ingrid has a computer so there are times when I'm able to get on here.

So someone, anyone, tell me what should I say to someone who believes that New Orleans is suffering the Judgement of God on America?

I have much to write but right now I haven't time but I would like to know how you all would answer that question.

2005-08-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well I write this from the Beaverton Public Library which is a suburb of Portland Oregon. My Jeep broke down two hours from my home in a place called Woodburn. We spent the night at my daughter Jessie's place in Tualatin another suburb of Portland. After taking nearly two hours to find some place that is only 20 minutes away, we finally arrived at a radiator shop. We had problems with the radiator before we left on our trip but it was fixed, (supposedly) and we were assured all would be great for the trip. Well I'm sitting at the library because I have a few hours to kill before I have a brand new radiator installed. Then Emily and I will once again hit the road.

We are using a trailer that Emily and her dad put together for us. It's 5x10 with 4 ft high walls. It's a very heavy load and besides the radiator yesterday we are also dealing with one side coming apart. We have fixed that by wrapping those cinch straps around the entire thing and naturally it's been raining showers in between sunshine. But it's been a beautiful trip so far anyway. When we left the coast, immediately we were greeted by a big beautiful blue sky with puffy white clouds. The chill was gone, the wet dampness was gone, and when we exited the Van Duzier corridor we saw the world open up. Gone were the confines of the tall trees everywhere. I was so ecstatic to see wide open fields again, golden fields and even hay bales. I love hay bales. We drove in the slowly rolling hills of the valley, and once again the wonderful smell of cows permeated the air, I'm not speaking about fertilizer here by the way. But then we neared Salem which is the first city we come to outside of the coast and we were met with tons of traffic, I have not missed traffic, no, not one iota.

We stayed at Jessie's home last night and that was fun too as I have not seen her home since she moved. It was just us three girls this morning as Ray had gone off to work, and well you would have thought we were at a slumber party. So when I say this trip so far is going good it is.

I do want to mention that thanks to my ex-husband, the girls' dad we are able to continue and I don't have to stay here to get a job and pay for the radiator, I will be able to pay him back once we get on our feet up there.

So as you see I am taking Anna's advice and blogging about everything. I just thought I'd get an early start. I shall be back asap.

2005-08-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

When the president talks to God,
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute, all down the line? Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind,
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God,
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed,
When the president talks to God?

~ written by Bright Eyes (a.k.a. Conor Oberst)

SetBack.....

2005-08-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

My plans are suffering a set back so I thought I would take the time to write something that has been stirring inside myself lately. It might have to do with what Pat Robertson said I don't know. But here goes:

I remember back in the days when I first became a Christian. I mean probably later. Oh well when ever. I used to watch the 700 club all the time and TBN and Jimmy Swaggart and all those guys. I remember Jimmy Swaggart always saying words like audacity, and others of which now I can't remember. But he used to scream these while holding his bible towards the heavens and weep and sob and I was sold on the man. Then when he got caught doing the very things he preached against I knew why. He himself was caught in a terrible web, he knew of what he talked about. I believe he was so disgusted with himself, he knew he was not a strong man because he could not resist his urges. He hated the fact that he liked what he was doing. He knew he was not a decent man. I'm not excusing his behavior, but like someone just recently said to me, "Usually, the ones who profess being "Christian" the loudest are the ones who are the farthest from the mark and have some really deep sense of their own "sinfulness." I remember watching the news videos showing him slinking around in the "bad" parts of town with his jogging suit and head band. I felt sorry for him.

Not long afterwards there was a man who ran the "xxxx" gas station in our little town. He was a very nice man, his name was "xxxx". He and his family worked the gas station and the Pronto Pups stand. He had a couple boys and a girl. He loved Jimmy Swaggart and when all this came out he was devastated. He started drinking and hanging out in bars. A year later he was arrested and served time for molesting his daughter. I don't know what became of the rest of them. They sort of fell off the map. I don't know what happened inside him, but something snapped and he crossed that dreaded line.

This church I went to back in 81 in Poway was a wonderful church. I felt I really belonged there. The people were so nice and friendly. Loving and accepting. I went there over a year maybe two. I really became one of the "church family". I finally had what I thought were sisters, and there were men who I felt cared about me as a person and respected me, these I looked to as brothers. Then one day John Avanzini who was the pastor for the Main church in San Diego came to our church and said nobody was tithing enough and because of that the church doors were going to close. This he told us after they preached to us all the time about prosperity and God answering prayers and so forth and the importance of fellowship. This man is now a powerful televangelist and is still spouting the same things. We were a poor church, everybody struggling to get by. It didn't matter. The doors were closed after the service and never opened again. Gone were the church sisters, brothers and our loving pastor and his wife. Not long afterwards one of the former deacons left his wife and their 4 small children and took up with a teenager from the youth group. Everybody started falling apart. For months afterwards we would hear tales of what became of so and so, and most were not good and very sad.

There were many more things, but it was a gradual process and now I no longer trust organized religion or most of the men in the pulpit or on TV. All the promises that are spouted, all the high faluting crap just turns my stomach. But when I was going to that church inside myself I wanted to believe. It was always a struggle for me to believe but I kept trying. I felt I had some major flaw or defect that made me so different from everybody and unable to feel the same things they did, because while everybody was worshipping I was crying. I remember feeling in awe, but also more alienated then ever because those around me talked about feeling so close to God, and I just never did. I felt the closest I could come to God was to be in the presence of those who believed in him. I didn't have a clue as to what they were feeling or understand God's need to be worshipped. I just couldn't see him the way everybody said he was. I then became a very angry person, I don't know what or who I was angry at, but I couldn't express this anger so I became depressed instead. I have gotten so tired of looking at Christians and not seeing Christ that I can't tell you. I have become ashamed at the very name of Christian lately. I think those who walk quietly and speak gently are the ones who are heard the most, at least by me anyway.

I carry my beliefs deep down inside myself where no one can disturb them, no one can tell me they aren't right. My beliefs are somewhat fragile right now, and it has taken me a long time to get to the place where they sit comfortably inside. These beliefs are my own and I don't want anyone to trample on them. I believe the God I believe in knows this, and He wouldn't have it any other way.

2005-08-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln. American 16th US President (1861-65), who brought about the emancipation of the slaves. 1809-1865

I've come to post

2005-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

As I write this I am surrounded by many boxes, rubbermaid totes and a couple of garbage bags full of clothes. I finally have my car back and it's in pretty good shape. I have sold all my books except for the few precious ones that I can't part with. I've given tons to goodwill and the salvation army. I'm in the process of waiting for Anna and Jessie to come down, hopefully tomorrow, so I can give them the last of their stuff and to say goodbye to them. Leah is in Alaska and I haven't told her I'm leaving yet. She knew I was leaving this relationship just not that I was leaving town. I'm sure I will tell her tonight.

Emily is going with me and we are going to try to leave Thursday morning. I have a small U-Haul trailer reserved. I hope it is big enough for the few furnishing that I will take and the rest of Emily's and my crap.

We are headed to a little town in Washington State called Hansville. It is north of Poulsbo, a little town I lived in once back in 1977 I believe. We are going to stay with my ex-sister-in-law Ingrid. She has a very large home from what I understand, I've never been there. It sits on Puget Sound in what is known as the banana belt up there. Ingrid has 7 children between 6-19 that live in her house with her. Her husband died five years ago from a sudden heart attack and unfortunately he did not leave her with anything other then the house. Her parents have helped her up until now to make ends meet, but I think their funds are exhausted.

As I've been pondering where to go and what to do, Ingrid called and said she sure could use our help up there. We have not seen each other in 16 years I think it is, so we will have a lot of catching up to do. We were best friends and lived across the street from each other for many years. It wasn't until I was 17 that Ingrid's brother Stanley and I "officially" met and became inseparable. She has a totally different way of looking at the world then I do. Her beliefs are very conservative Christian and her political views are opposite of mine. It should be interesting. We have talked extensively on the phone and have come to a mutual understanding and mutual agreements on various things. Ingrid has not had a job all these years as when she was married they were rather wealthy, or so she was led to believe, she does not work now as she has been home schooling and trying to keep it all together.

Her two oldest children work and put their incomes towards the house payment, I'm sure Ingrid has social security, maybe other income, I don't know. All I know is that she needs help, and Emily and I need a place to go. We had talked about possibly moving up there last month, but I decided against it because of our differences, but my thinking has changed now. I am choosing to look at this as an adventure, a crazy one, a difficult one, but maybe we can build some family ties and strengthen each other. Maybe between the two of us and the teenagers we will be able to stay afloat. All I know is what I've heard and I heard it's a mad house up there. I've been told that Ingrid is somewhat of a doormat to her children and caters to their every whim, but that is heresy. I have no delusions about what it will be like. I'm expecting it to be difficult so hopefully I will be terribly disappointed. I am holding out hope also that there are jobs up there besides housekeeping and waitressing as I know I'm not able to perform those jobs anymore. I have many talents and I'm sure I will be able to secure some type of job.

Anna gave me some advice on this adventure:

"All I can say is become a
documentarian because I'm sure you're in for
a ride. Write about it, photograph, blog.
It's going to be absolutely nuts.
That's all I have to say.  Well, I always think
change is good, and even if it's crazy
it steers one in some
direction. Out of dodge to Hansville,
and then maybe out of dodge
again. ;)"

So you see I have some good advice, a car, a u-haul and my daughter Emily. What more do I need? .........Don't ask!!

I am hoping to get my computer hooked up as soon as I can. I might have to acquire that job first though. So if you don't see any new posts that is probably why.

And those of you who don't agree with my political beliefs, I hope that doesn't keep you from visiting my blog, because I am still me regardless of what I believe.

I will keep you posted.......

I'm Standing and Speaking

2005-08-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

"My heart goes out to Cindy Sheehan and her family. I, too, have lost a child the same age as Casey. I know what a chunk it tears from your soul. I know that that tear in my soul has never healed. I'm sure it is the same for most parents who have the brightest part of their lives snuffed out to serve some part of an incomprehensible machine. Especially when you know in your heart that in the grand scheme of the universe that human-grinding misery-producing machine headed up by tiny men like Bush and Rove and Rumsfield is just so unimportant."
-Ed Williams

@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--

"I got an email the other day and it said, 'Cindy if you didn't use so much profanity ... there's people on the fence that get offended."
"And you know what I said? "You know what? You know what, god damn it? How in the world is anybody still sitting on that fence?"
"If you fall on the side that is pro-George and pro-war, you get your ass over to Iraq, and take the place of somebody who wants to come home. And if you fall on the side that is against this war and against George Bush, stand up and speak out."
-Cindy Sheehan

--peace

Are they gone yet?

2005-08-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Aravis I now have my blog set to word verification whereby no robotic spammers can leave advertising on my blog. I didn't even know it was available. It's a marvelous thing.

The Noble Sacrifice of Kevin Benderman

2005-08-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION

by Edgar Williams

I have learned from first hand experience that war is the destroyer of everything that is good in the world, it turns our young into soulless killers and we tell them that they are heroes when they master the "art" of killing.
-- Kevin Benderman

* * *

General, your tank is a powerful vehicle. It smashes down forests and crushes a hundred men but it has one defect: it needs a driver.

General, your bomber is powerful. It flies faster than a storm and carries more than an elephant but it has one defect: it needs a mechanic.

General, man is very useful. He can fly and he can kill. But he has one defect: He can think.
-- Brecht

* * *

Casey Sheehan, age 24, was killed on April 4, 2004. Bush told his grieving mother, Cindy Sheehan, that her son had made a noble sacrifice for freedom and for his country. Of course, Bush didn't go into any details about the exact nature of the mission Casey was on when he was killed or exactly what his platoon was doing when Casey was struck down and killed by enemy fire. Now Cindy Sheehan is camped outside Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch because she wants to ask him for those details. Just what was the nature of his job that made his death so noble? That's all she wants to know.

Even if Bush were to stoop to answer that question, odds are good that he doesn't know the answer. He stays as far removed from the actuality of war and death as he possible can. I'm sure it has never occurred to him to ask for details of the circumstances surrounding any of the thousands who have been killed and maimed in Iraq.

Bush probably doesn't know that Casey Sheehan was killed during the Sadr Rebellion in the slums of Baghdad. Most likely Bush doesn't have a clue about what the Sadr Rebellion was, where it was, or why it happened.

It began when, in our quest for to bring freedom and democracy to Iraq, the Coalition Provisional Authority decided that a great first step to that end would be to close down Baghdad's most popular newspaper, al Hawza. Bush's man there decided it was just too hard to build a coalition favoring the right "brand" of freedom when you had people freely speaking their minds all the time and getting that much front-page exposure. It wasn't that they weren't going to have a free press in Iraq. It was just that they weren't going to have a free press that disagreed with the Bush administration.

For some reason, the closing of their newspaper made those ingrate Iraqis mad, who knows why. Anyway, when demonstrators poured into the streets opposing the closing of the paper and demanding freedom of the press, American troops where ordered to open fire and, like the good British troops in Boston in 1776, the American troops followed their orders. Several unarmed people were killed.

That is the noble event that sparked the rebellion in which Casey Sheehan lost his life. That is the noble cause for which Cindy Sheehan lost her precious, priceless, irreplaceable son.

On July 29, 2005, Kevin Benderman started a fifteen month stretch in prison because he refused redeployment to Iraq - at least that is the reason given for his sentence. What he was guilty of was filing a conscientious objector application with the Army. He doesn't just object to the war in Iraq. He objects to all wars anywhere that are wars of aggression. Federal law prohibits prosecuting an individual for being a conscientious objector but every good lawyer knows there are more ways to skin a cat than there are cats, so the Army just convicted him of "intentionally missing movement," which is a federal crime. In other words, you can be a conscientious objector as long as it doesn't interfere with your job of killing people for the Army - even if that means shooting down unarmed civilians demonstrating for freedom of the press.

My heart goes out to Cindy Sheehan and her family. I, too, have lost a child the same age as Casey. I know what a chunk it tears from your soul. I know that that tear in my soul has never healed. I'm sure it is the same for most parents who have the brightest part of their lives snuffed out to serve some part of an incomprehensible machine. Especially when you know in your heart that in the grand scheme of the universe that human-grinding misery-producing machine headed up by tiny men like Bush and Rove and Rumsfield is just so unimportant.

At the same time, I salute Kevin Benderman and I salute his noble sacrifice of fifteen months of his life. Perhaps because of it, some young man or woman will really think about what they are doing before they offer themselves up to feed the machine. Perhaps because of his sacrifice, there will be one less parent grieving in the hot sweltering summer sun just so they can ask an unknowing and uncaring man one question: Why?

writing really bad poetry

2005-08-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

i don't want to blog
cause my mind sits in a fog
I think i'm sinking in a bog
don't send me no golldarn log.

you can tell because my poetry is bad
that i care less because it's a fad
the posts i post do make me glad
cause they express that i am mad.

my bad rhyming is a sorry state
it hides the frustrated wyman gate
i try and try but i can't abate
this awful awful rhyming state

my words are lost in chaos like stew
that doesn't mean my feelings aren't true
i think that i must be down with the flu
to keep sending this rhyming rhyming out to you

my sentences get longer still
that's because they seem so unreal
alot of letters they carry for fill
but their content is lost in a measly thrill

*this is subject to change periodically, and by all means please add or take away the words and write your own.

2005-08-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

The Proverbial Truth About George W. Bush and Cindy Sheehan

Hang in there Cindy, the country is behind you.

by Anthony Wade

http://www.opednews.com

August 10, 2005

Genesis 1:10

“The LORD said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground.”

George W. Bush is on vacation. Every day more children die in his war, while he is on vacation. For five weeks, George W. Bush will relax, get out in the sun, and take it easy, while your kids die. Of what value is their blood to this man? What does their sacrifice mean to a man that thinks nothing of relaxing while they die? A man who thinks so little of them, that he refuses to meet with a mother of one of the dead.

A mother of a slain soldier is sitting in a ditch outside the ranch of George W. Bush. Where is our moral president? Where is the president of family values? This is the persona that has been packaged and sold to Christians across this country and they bought it. Where is the Christianity of George W. Bush? It is one thing to say that Jesus Christ is your favorite philosopher during a photo op, but quite another thing to actually adhere to the philosophy of Christ on a daily basis.

Would Jesus Christ leave the mother of a murdered soldier sitting in a ditch in the summer heat of Texas, while he vacationed? I would think not.

****please click the title to read the rest of the story.

Conservative Christian Women are Watching Cindy Sheehan…...and Seeing Themselves

2005-08-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

by Dr. Teresa Whitehurst

"......When other churchgoers insist that the war is "worth it" no matter how many Iraqi children and American youths are killed, devout Christian women have swallowed hard and tried not to think about their own children, or about Jesus' teachings. Instead, they've tried to adjust their thinking to fit a new, revised version of Christianity wherein Our Leader has come to replace Our Savior. This revamped prowar version of the faith is what I call Bushianity."

Please click on the above title to read the rest of this article.

August 9, 2005

2005-08-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

"To fail to speak to the utter moral corruption of the mass destruction of civilians was to fail as a Christian and as a priest. Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in and to a world and a Christian church that had asked for it - that had prepared the moral consciousness of humanity to do and to justify the unthinkable."

- Father George Zabelka, Catholic chaplain for the 509th Composite Group, the atomic bomb crew.

Yesterday.....

2005-07-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

to see a larger image you can click on the picture

holding on

living on crack

tip of the iceberg

kingdom by the sea

purple star

minus tide

stranded

rippled rock

canyons

2005-07-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

I think human love is more important, but human reason is more powerful. Love may give us some great intentions, but reason is what actually gets the job done.

~Marilyn Vos Savant Parade Magazine 2-28-93
I wrote this on a piece of scrap paper after reading it, and have saved it all this time.

I know I keep harping on this subject....

2005-07-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

.....and I probably always will. It's a subject very close to me and one that I would like to see eradicated from here on out. So if I make you uncomfortable by bringing this to the forefront again, I don't apologize as this is supposed to bring us out of our comfort Zone. So while out and about lollygagging around keep your ears alert, your eyes open, and if you know of anybody who is being abused or if you know an abuser please report it. You can report anonymously to any police department or to school officials.
The abuse at the hands of these sick individuals will continue for the rest of the survivors life. It will have an impact on how they view their world, those they love, and any future dealings with the world and the people in it. Just because abuse is so rampant does not mean we need to desensitize ourselves too it. And we must not.

Concrete Angel

2005-07-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

(if you click the above link you will be brought to these lyrics and also to the singing of the song by Martina McBride, kind of crackly but still good, grab a kleenex)

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

What a Concept!

2005-07-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

I've been reading the Detroit Lakes Minnesota Newspaper and reading up on what's been going on there as that is where I lived before I moved here. Detroit Lakes is in Becker county and if anyone's been following the news you'll know that Judge Thomas Schroeder who "slapped" that Duncan character with a $15,000 bail is from Becker County. Before I moved to Becker County I was living in Fargo which is an hour west of Detroit Lakes. I even lived on 7th St. North. Very close to where this Duncan character had been residing at the time and posting to his wonderful blog called The Fifth Nail. (This link takes you to Duncan's busy month before the Idaho slayings, reported by the DL Police) This area was also the home of numerous schools, and not far from the local swimming pool. While scanning the online newspaper, I always go to the letters to the editor section, this is where I found the following letter:

Is surgical castration the answer for sex offenders?
I am wondering why people aren't talking about surgical castration as the monitoring device for these level 3 sexual predators? Why spend money on tracking these violators? They can take off ankle bracelets and law enforcement can take time looking for them when they move to another area, or society can keep them in confinement indefinitely which costs a lot of money.
If their sexual ability is taken away, their urge to commit these acts on children and others would not happen. (And pardon me, but the ACLU can stay out of the argument to defend these low lifes.) I'm sick and tired of all the rights society gives criminals. What rights do the children and victims of rape have? They have to live with thoughts of what was done to them when they were assaulted. This is a life sentence for these victims. If these violators do go to prison and have had this surgery, they won't be having sex in prison with other inmates and the risk of sexually transmitted disease could be eliminated and the best part is our tax dollars won't be spent buying and distributing condoms at least in these cases. What a concept! Carol S---e, Frazee

I have a friend who, if it's possible, has stronger convictions then I do regarding the treatment of these sub-humans, A bullet to the back of the brain immediately! Now I like that concept!

midnight shooting in the dark

2005-07-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

kitchen window
Originally uploaded by bridgesitter.

I went out last night to let the dogs do their numbers and started shooting pictures in the dark. You know how hard it is to see the digital screen, well I just pointed my lense and clicked. When I came in the house and put my pictures on the computer most of the pictures were totally black. I played with the auto light and hues and saturations a bit and discovered a whole world that was hiding in the dark. Sly dogs took off running down the road, oh well, I didn't even miss 'em! If my landlord says it's okay I'm going to start painting my house this color in the morning!! ;-)

Washington Wedding Sky

2005-07-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Originally uploaded by hummanna.

Anna took this photo while she did a wedding this past weekend. I can almost feel like I'm laying on the ground looking up at it. Beautiful eh?

2005-07-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

When we lived closer to fire, when our lives depended upon the careful tending of the hearth, we had before us a symbol of the need for nourishment that lay deep in our souls.

~Anne Scott

2005-07-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

I just got a call from my ex-husband. It went something like this:

"Just got a call from the police department, they pulled some guy over with the green van".

"Oh?"

"Yea, Emily drove the green van home last night"

"OH!!?"

"She's not answering her phone"

my heart stopped beating at this time as I recalled all the horror stories in the news.....

"Did the policeman say Emily was in the van?"

"No, but the guy got pulled over for drinking"

"oh..."

"Do you know some guy named Jacob?"

"no.." words have never failed me so much in my life....I'm dizzy just thinking about it...

"I have to run down there"

"Ask the cops if the guy knows where Emily is?"

"Don't freak out! I'm sure nothings wrong"

"okay..." I'm trying to figure out how to get to Emily's house without a car....."i'll call Emily"

"okay, I'll call the cops again and ask if the guy knows where Emily is"

"okay"

I'm writing this through ragged breaths as relief floods over me because my daughter Emily just answered her phone. She is safe. The van is gone. She is safe. She just woke up. She is safe and she is home and I am writing this because I have too....because I am so relieved.

2005-07-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

What does this remind you of?

Happy Birthday Baby!!!!

2005-07-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!

I love you soooooo much!
and am so proud of you!

-<-@ xoxoxoxoxoxox @->--

Yes, the ol' Jessie girl reached the big 23 today! She's sporting about in Portland with her boyfriend raking in lots of presents. She's alot like her mom that way, we love presents!

Trip down the coast

2005-07-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

If you click on the image you can get a slightly bigger picture.

This is a beach in Waldport Oregon, I'd never been there before.

These are artists that have gathered to paint the ocean together in Depoe Bay


A beautiful Hydrandgea along the way
(did I spell that right?)

4 inches of water can lift a 5 ton log

Everything turned gray and dreary so I played with the color here

2005-07-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit guilty right now, actually very guilty. I have been blissfully unaware of what transpired in London today. Well not blissful but unaware. When I finally made it home this afternoon I got carried away in the usual things and then came to check my email. Read a blog or two, what have you. I've been laughing at some late night humor from Leno, Letterman, O'Brien reading some "political" humor. One thing leads to another, you know how it goes, then I check out the online news. Blunt force trauma! To my psyche anyway. It boggles my mind how life keeps going on when tragedies occur like they did in London today.
Thinking back over my day, the places I've been, the faces I've seen, the people I've talked to, I never had one clue as to what happened today. I feel like I need to apologize to someone for laughing.

Miracle transformation

2005-07-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the dogs and I went to the beach at Fogarty Creek. It was a bit overcast, a little gray and gloomy, but the sand was still very warm on my feet, and there was a slight breeze. All along the shoreline there was alot of seaweed, it felt very cushy like an expensive carpet for me to squish between my toes. The beach was nearly deserted except for a couple of die hard sunbathers and a few kids. I threw the tennis ball for Gunnar over and over and over again. (I'm chuckling to myself now because I had just been to Aravis' blog where she drew a picture of the very same thing I had witnessed yesterday).

Both the dogs love to run and play in the water, splashing and neck wrestling all the while. It's supposed to get their ya ya's out, but they never seem to tire of this simple pleasure,though I did quickly because I wanted to take pictures. I did manage to get a couple of shots off before I was totally covered in sand, and thought I'd share them here.

That does not look like the tennis ball I threw earlier!

2005-07-06T06:45:00.000-07:00

Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art.
- Leonardo da Vinci. Italian painter, draftsman, sculptor, architect and engineer, 1452-1519

2005-07-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Quiet Fireworks

These are the kind of fireworks I like.
Bursting Cosmo's.
This is a painting my mother did after she found she had talent at the age of 64

Leah Looking Serious- it's an act

2005-07-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Anna gave Leah a beautiful pink sweater with pearl buttons and a fluffy pink faux fur collar. Because the picture I took didn't come out clear I naturally had to play with it. Here are the "after" results.

The girls and I were in one of those fancy Portland Grocery stores, we had so much fun. The store had all kinds of organic foods, local meats, produce, and lots of unique home decor items. Yes we had a lot of fun! We are easily entertained!

Though Leah doesn't like this nickname, Emily just can't help but call her this every once in a while: Leah Maria Tortilla, Quesadilla, (darn, I've forgotten the rest)

Recently my Leah moved to Alaska :-( this makes me very sad indeed. Her boyfriend is up there working, that and along with being tired of this town she took the opportunity to spread her wings. Oh, did I mention that he proposed? hmmmm, anyway I'm hoping she'll be home soon. But then again I know it's good for her to be off exploring new places and new people and new ways.

She says it never gets dark there. At least not now, I don't know what it will be like come fall and winter. She recently got a job and is happy and things are going along.

Past 4th of July

2005-07-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

All us women minus Heather. From left to right starting with Jessie, who is lost in the glare of the flash on glass, Emily, myself, Anna, my mother Ramona, my sister Laura, Leah and Meghan my sister's daughter. Taken in 1989 I believe on the 4th of July at the beach. This is a photo of a photo I have on my desk.

Curbing the Patriot Act

2005-07-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

House Votes To Curb Patriot Act

FBI's Power to Seize Library Records Would Be Halted

By Mike Allen
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, June 16, 2005; A01

The House handed President Bush the first defeat in his effort to preserve the broad powers of the USA Patriot Act, voting yesterday to curtail the FBI's ability to seize library and bookstore records for terrorism investigations.

Bush has threatened to veto any measure that weakens those powers. The surprise 238 to 187 rebuke to the White House was produced when a handful of conservative Republicans, worried about government intrusion, joined with Democrats who are concerned about personal privacy.

".... Forget library records. The challenge is to keep Uncle Sam out of your medical, credit, educational, employment and tax records; not to mention to keep them physically out of your home or business where they may now go in secret without telling you." - MCR

Click here for the Rest Of The Story~Marvelous!

2005-06-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

In January I wrote about the closing of the Salinas Libraries so you can imagine that I'm pretty happy about this article.

In Steinbeck Country, We Said No to Closing the Libraries
by Anne Lamott

"Salinas is one of the poorest communities in the state, within one of the richest counties in the country, the locale of so many of Steinbeck's great novels: Think farm workers, fields of artichokes, garlic, faded stucco houses stained with dirt, ticky-tacky housing tracts, John Ford, James Dean's face in ''East of Eden," strawberry fields, and old gas stations.......

".....My sad '60s heart soared like an eagle at the very name: an emergency read-in. George W. Bush and John Ashcroft tried for three years to create a country that the East Germans could only dream about, empowering the government to keep track of the books we checked out or bought, all in the name of national security. But they hadn't counted on how passionately we writers feel about saving the world, or at any rate, the worlds contained in the skinny, silent spines of books.

"We came together because we started out as children who were saved by stories, stories read to us at night when we were little, stories we read by ourselves, in which we could get lost, and thereby, found. Some of us had grown to become people with loud voices, which the farm workers and their children of this community all of a sudden needed. And we were mad. Show a bunch of writers a sealed library, and they see red. Perhaps they are a little sensitive, or overwrought, but they see a one-way tunnel into the dark. They see the beginnings of fascism".

At present the Libraries have reduced hours but they are still open! At least until the end of the year.

women surfers get their heat

2005-06-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

women surfers get their heat
Originally uploaded by hummanna.

My daughters rendition of the same surf contest I went too. Wow!

Take Back the Media

2005-06-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

I just visited a site that has flash. Anyway I was totally floored by what I saw. The music was beautiful and ominous at the same time. It was Mozarts "Lacrimosa" though I don't think I ever heard it before I was engrossed by it. The images told a story I'd never heard before either. It was dreadful and eye-opening. Check it out by clicking the above title.

2005-06-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

Code Pink Women for Peace

2005-06-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

Just tinkin' around and getting ebay eyes! I'm also practicing for when I actually leave this house and have to show my face to those I've avoided. I am also having a bad hair day. I hate flat hair, my kids say, "mom, you always have flat hair." Well it's unusually flat today! My neon pink is near washed out and is becoming something that resembles strawberry koolaid.

Did I fix the Blog? & When Dogs Don't Eat

2005-06-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

All day I have had two dogs staring me down. Siskiyou lets out a guttural growl, Gunnar comes and leans against my legs and does a little whine. Okay, okay, it's my fault. I bought the cheaper dog food last week and they won't let me forget it. So to supplement their diet they've been getting extra dog bones with slathers of peanut butter. This I do while taking a spoon for myself. I'm tired of looking at these big sad eyed dogs, or these big eyed sad dogs, or these bog dyed dad gogs!

I go into the kitchen, remember my kitchen window? It's very small down below this post. well I flamboyantly grab their bowl and put it on the counter. I grab the olive oil, all this time they are watching me with bated breath, tongues dragging, poor dogs, I throw in a few little splashes, ah, yes, what next? Oh, how about some Mrs. Dash? Yea, I'll give 'em a few sprinkles of that too. I grab the biggest spoon in the house and give it some good hearty stirring, and voila', Dinner is ready.

They loved it. Ahh, they roll on their backs getting dog hair everywhere, but hey, I'm their best friend again.

Window To The World

2005-06-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

My Kitchen Window. Sometimes I do take advice Charles & Carl. You are heretofor recognized.

Mozilla or IE? kittywompus?

2005-06-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

I use Mozilla for my browser and so when I look at my blog things look okay. So then I was on the Internet Explorer browser and discovered that my blog is all screwed up. Are my links and Archives, and flickr all far down on the page to you guys, or is it like I see it side by side to my posts below the header? And if it's kittywompus how do I fix this? eeeeeck!!

Surf Competition In Lincoln City

2005-06-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

Today Anna was filming some of the Christian Surfing Competition on Nelscott Beach in Lincoln City, so Emily and I met her there. The kids' dad & stepmom are sponsors for it as he is a surfer from way back when. It was a gorgeous day, the sun warm, the sand and pavement hot. I got to spend some time with Anna which is always a good thing, she lives in Portland and sometimes it's hard to juggle schedules. So anyway we had a good time, I took some pictures of waves, and my kids, and more waves, and more kids.

This is Emily. Where ever we go or what ever we do Emily has to stop and pet, talk and hug every dog that walks by. She's very busy at the beach!

This is looking south away from the competition. It looks overcast, but it's not, I think it looks that way because I was facing the sun. Oops!

Here's Anna being silly. She usually is.....well most of the time. If you're looking for someone to photograph your wedding, or band or anything like that, she does that and she's very good at it. I always try to put a plug in for her. Starving Artist Syndrome, actually she has a job, but she does photography on the side.
You can probably tell that I'm not proud of these girls one bit, huh? The other two are missing today, but their day will come. ;-)

Here's a picture of a surfer and the cliff's that overlook Nelscott Beach.

I almost forgot to add a surfer surfing...So here's one of those...^

Columbia River Gorge

2005-06-23T00:25:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken by my daughter Anna aka Hummanna on flickr. This was taken on the Columbia river between Oregon and Washington. She says I can steal her photographs anytime I want, I just need to give her a little credit. Here's a little credit Anna! I love this picture and I love you. This picture makes me feel like I'm soaring with the eagles. Oh no, Cliff will have a comeback on that one.

Looking for my Happy Place

2005-06-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

Across The Val D' Orcia

This painting depicts where I'd like to be right now! This painting was done by Michael Schlicting, (I even thought to get permission first before putting it here) Michael is an Oregon Coast Artist. If you'd like to find your happy place, may I suggest another of his paintings! l0l

A Beautiful Story.....or most of it anyway

2005-06-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia (AP) -- Police say three lions rescued a 12-year-old girl kidnapped by men who wanted to force her into marriage, chasing off her abductors and guarding her until police and relatives tracked her down in a remote corner of Ethiopia.

The men had held the girl for seven days, repeatedly beating her, before the lions chased them away and guarded her for half a day before her family and police found her, Sgt. Wondimu Wedajo said Tuesday by telephone from the provincial capital of Bita Genet, some 560 kilometers (348 miles) west of the capital, Addis Ababa.

"They stood guard until we found her and then they just left her like a gift and went back into the forest," Wondimu said, adding he did not know whether the lions were male or female.

News of the June 9 rescue was slow to filter out from Kefa Zone in southwestern Ethiopia.

"If the lions had not come to her rescue then it could have been much worse. Often these young girls are raped and severely beaten to force them to accept the marriage," he said.

"Everyone ... thinks this is some kind of miracle, because normally the lions would attack people," Wondimu said.

Stuart Williams, a wildlife expert with the rural development ministry, said that it was likely that the young girl was saved because she was crying from the trauma of her attack.

"A young girl whimpering could be mistaken for the mewing sound from a lion cub, which in turn could explain why they (the lions) didn't eat her," Williams said. "Otherwise they probably would have done."

To Read the Rest of the Article please click here.

Aravis, can I still get in trouble? l0l

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yours truly

2005-06-17T00:27:00.000-07:00

Yours truly
Originally uploaded by bridgesitter.

Hi! 8-) Keep in mind this is me first thing in the morning trying to look like I'm not taking a picture of myself. I really have a hard time trying to look natural, especially when I'm the one holding the camera.

Just Wondering......

2005-06-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

My email home page is constantly showing butts. I mean butts everywhere. Naturally they're all perfect butts. Advertising some miracle cream of some kind. Then they have the gall to show the south beach diet ads, full length. We're talking side bars, headers, footnotes, what ever. What is the message I'm getting here? Is this America's way of telling everybody they're too fat? Is this how we're fighting obesity in this country? Why don't we have ads by the Agriculture Department showing wonderful pieces of tantalizing fruit, or freshly picked vegetables? Do we always have to rely on the sexuality of people and their presumed desire to please the opposite sex? Come on already!! These ads do nothing to promote healthy eating. If anything I think they would provoke bulimia and anorexia.

This stuff bothers me right along with the playboy bunny on the clothes of teenagers. Women have been fighting this exploitation for a long time now, and some how it has ended up on girls clothing. The very girls we've been trying to protect. Personally when I see these kinds of clothes I make an effort to complain to the store managers. I should probably write letters to the clothes manufacturers but as of yet I haven't.

Post Script here: guys don't even ask what my email homepage is! ;-) that would really tick me off!

I'm gonna shovel some dirt .....

2005-06-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

planting herbs
Originally uploaded by bridgesitter.

What I've been up to today.

Tsunami Warning in Effect

2005-06-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

Well lets see here, it's now 8:57pm and we have a Tsunami warning until almost 5am. The sky is clear, there is absolutely no wind. My poor daughter Emily just called, she's freaking out a bit as she's scared to death of any major weather changes. So she's heading out to her dads, he's about 10 miles inland. She'll feel safer there. We're about 500 feet from the cliffs here, but pretty high up, 70 feet or so. Of course I don't really know how high, but we are within 1 minute of being on the top of Cape Foulweather. I'm not worried in the slightest, I'm not being flippant here when I say this could be exciting. Can you tell I have no life? The fire department is a block away so if there's a siren we'll hear it. If I don't write tomorrow, well either my computers all wet, or I didn't get high enough. ;-)