So someone, anyone, tell me what should I say to someone who believes that New Orleans is suffering the Judgement of God on America?
I have much to write but right now I haven't time but I would like to know how you all would answer that question. ¶ 8/31/2005 11:43:00 PM 1 comments
We are using a trailer that Emily and her dad put together for us. It's 5x10 with 4 ft high walls. It's a very heavy load and besides the radiator yesterday we are also dealing with one side coming apart. We have fixed that by wrapping those cinch straps around the entire thing and naturally it's been raining showers in between sunshine. But it's been a beautiful trip so far anyway. When we left the coast, immediately we were greeted by a big beautiful blue sky with puffy white clouds. The chill was gone, the wet dampness was gone, and when we exited the Van Duzier corridor we saw the world open up. Gone were the confines of the tall trees everywhere. I was so ecstatic to see wide open fields again, golden fields and even hay bales. I love hay bales. We drove in the slowly rolling hills of the valley, and once again the wonderful smell of cows permeated the air, I'm not speaking about fertilizer here by the way. But then we neared Salem which is the first city we come to outside of the coast and we were met with tons of traffic, I have not missed traffic, no, not one iota.
We stayed at Jessie's home last night and that was fun too as I have not seen her home since she moved. It was just us three girls this morning as Ray had gone off to work, and well you would have thought we were at a slumber party. So when I say this trip so far is going good it is.
I do want to mention that thanks to my ex-husband, the girls' dad we are able to continue and I don't have to stay here to get a job and pay for the radiator, I will be able to pay him back once we get on our feet up there.
So as you see I am taking Anna's advice and blogging about everything. I just thought I'd get an early start. I shall be back asap. ¶ 8/29/2005 02:06:00 PM 2 comments
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute, all down the line? Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind,
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God,
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed,
When the president talks to God?
~ written by Bright Eyes (a.k.a. Conor Oberst) ¶ 8/29/2005 02:05:00 PM 0 comments
My plans are suffering a set back so I thought I would take the time to write something that has been stirring inside myself lately. It might have to do with what Pat Robertson said I don't know. But here goes:
I remember back in the days when I first became a Christian. I mean probably later. Oh well when ever. I used to watch the 700 club all the time and TBN and Jimmy Swaggart and all those guys. I remember Jimmy Swaggart always saying words like audacity, and others of which now I can't remember. But he used to scream these while holding his bible towards the heavens and weep and sob and I was sold on the man. Then when he got caught doing the very things he preached against I knew why. He himself was caught in a terrible web, he knew of what he talked about. I believe he was so disgusted with himself, he knew he was not a strong man because he could not resist his urges. He hated the fact that he liked what he was doing. He knew he was not a decent man. I'm not excusing his behavior, but like someone just recently said to me, "Usually, the ones who profess being "Christian" the loudest are the ones who are the farthest from the mark and have some really deep sense of their own "sinfulness." I remember watching the news videos showing him slinking around in the "bad" parts of town with his jogging suit and head band. I felt sorry for him.
Not long afterwards there was a man who ran the "xxxx" gas station in our little town. He was a very nice man, his name was "xxxx". He and his family worked the gas station and the Pronto Pups stand. He had a couple boys and a girl. He loved Jimmy Swaggart and when all this came out he was devastated. He started drinking and hanging out in bars. A year later he was arrested and served time for molesting his daughter. I don't know what became of the rest of them. They sort of fell off the map. I don't know what happened inside him, but something snapped and he crossed that dreaded line.
This church I went to back in 81 in Poway was a wonderful church. I felt I really belonged there. The people were so nice and friendly. Loving and accepting. I went there over a year maybe two. I really became one of the "church family". I finally had what I thought were sisters, and there were men who I felt cared about me as a person and respected me, these I looked to as brothers. Then one day John Avanzini who was the pastor for the Main church in San Diego came to our church and said nobody was tithing enough and because of that the church doors were going to close. This he told us after they preached to us all the time about prosperity and God answering prayers and so forth and the importance of fellowship. This man is now a powerful televangelist and is still spouting the same things. We were a poor church, everybody struggling to get by. It didn't matter. The doors were closed after the service and never opened again. Gone were the church sisters, brothers and our loving pastor and his wife. Not long afterwards one of the former deacons left his wife and their 4 small children and took up with a teenager from the youth group. Everybody started falling apart. For months afterwards we would hear tales of what became of so and so, and most were not good and very sad.
There were many more things, but it was a gradual process and now I no longer trust organized religion or most of the men in the pulpit or on TV. All the promises that are spouted, all the high faluting crap just turns my stomach. But when I was going to that church inside myself I wanted to believe. It was always a struggle for me to believe but I kept trying. I felt I had some major flaw or defect that made me so different from everybody and unable to feel the same things they did, because while everybody was worshipping I was crying. I remember feeling in awe, but also more alienated then ever because those around me talked about feeling so close to God, and I just never did. I felt the closest I could come to God was to be in the presence of those who believed in him. I didn't have a clue as to what they were feeling or understand God's need to be worshipped. I just couldn't see him the way everybody said he was. I then became a very angry person, I don't know what or who I was angry at, but I couldn't express this anger so I became depressed instead. I have gotten so tired of looking at Christians and not seeing Christ that I can't tell you. I have become ashamed at the very name of Christian lately. I think those who walk quietly and speak gently are the ones who are heard the most, at least by me anyway.
I carry my beliefs deep down inside myself where no one can disturb them, no one can tell me they aren't right. My beliefs are somewhat fragile right now, and it has taken me a long time to get to the place where they sit comfortably inside. These beliefs are my own and I don't want anyone to trample on them. I believe the God I believe in knows this, and He wouldn't have it any other way.
¶ 8/24/2005 09:05:00 AM 8 comments
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. 
- Abraham Lincoln. American 16th US President (1861-65), who brought about the emancipation of the slaves. 1809-1865
¶ 8/23/2005 06:53:00 AM 0 comments
Emily is going with me and we are going to try to leave Thursday morning. I have a small U-Haul trailer reserved. I hope it is big enough for the few furnishing that I will take and the rest of Emily's and my crap.
We are headed to a little town in Washington State called Hansville. It is north of Poulsbo, a little town I lived in once back in 1977 I believe. We are going to stay with my ex-sister-in-law Ingrid. She has a very large home from what I understand, I've never been there. It sits on Puget Sound in what is known as the banana belt up there. Ingrid has 7 children between 6-19 that live in her house with her. Her husband died five years ago from a sudden heart attack and unfortunately he did not leave her with anything other then the house. Her parents have helped her up until now to make ends meet, but I think their funds are exhausted.
As I've been pondering where to go and what to do, Ingrid called and said she sure could use our help up there. We have not seen each other in 16 years I think it is, so we will have a lot of catching up to do. We were best friends and lived across the street from each other for many years. It wasn't until I was 17 that Ingrid's brother Stanley and I "officially" met and became inseparable. She has a totally different way of looking at the world then I do. Her beliefs are very conservative Christian and her political views are opposite of mine. It should be interesting. We have talked extensively on the phone and have come to a mutual understanding and mutual agreements on various things. Ingrid has not had a job all these years as when she was married they were rather wealthy, or so she was led to believe, she does not work now as she has been home schooling and trying to keep it all together.
Her two oldest children work and put their incomes towards the house payment, I'm sure Ingrid has social security, maybe other income, I don't know. All I know is that she needs help, and Emily and I need a place to go. We had talked about possibly moving up there last month, but I decided against it because of our differences, but my thinking has changed now. I am choosing to look at this as an adventure, a crazy one, a difficult one, but maybe we can build some family ties and strengthen each other. Maybe between the two of us and the teenagers we will be able to stay afloat. All I know is what I've heard and I heard it's a mad house up there. I've been told that Ingrid is somewhat of a doormat to her children and caters to their every whim, but that is heresy. I have no delusions about what it will be like. I'm expecting it to be difficult so hopefully I will be terribly disappointed. I am holding out hope also that there are jobs up there besides housekeeping and waitressing as I know I'm not able to perform those jobs anymore. I have many talents and I'm sure I will be able to secure some type of job.
Anna gave me some advice on this adventure:
"All I can say is become a
documentarian because I'm sure you're in for
a ride. Write about it, photograph, blog.
It's going to be absolutely nuts.
That's all I have to say. Well, I always think
change is good, and even if it's crazy
it steers one in some
direction. Out of dodge to Hansville,
and then maybe out of dodge
again. ;)" So you see I have some good advice, a car, a u-haul and my daughter Emily. What more do I need? .........Don't ask!!
I am hoping to get my computer hooked up as soon as I can. I might have to acquire that job first though. So if you don't see any new posts that is probably why.
And those of you who don't agree with my political beliefs, I hope that doesn't keep you from visiting my blog, because I am still me regardless of what I believe.
I will keep you posted.......
¶ 8/22/2005 01:15:00 PM 3 comments
"My heart goes out to Cindy Sheehan and her family. I, too, have lost a child the same age as Casey. I know what a chunk it tears from your soul. I know that that tear in my soul has never healed. I'm sure it is the same for most parents who have the brightest part of their lives snuffed out to serve some part of an incomprehensible machine. Especially when you know in your heart that in the grand scheme of the universe that human-grinding misery-producing machine headed up by tiny men like Bush and Rove and Rumsfield is just so unimportant."
-Ed Williams
@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--@->--
"And you know what I said? "You know what? You know what, god damn it? How in the world is anybody still sitting on that fence?"
"If you fall on the side that is pro-George and pro-war, you get your ass over to Iraq, and take the place of somebody who wants to come home. And if you fall on the side that is against this war and against George Bush, stand up and speak out."
-Cindy Sheehan
¶ 8/21/2005 10:55:00 PM 1 comments
Thanks to Aravis I now have my blog set to word verification whereby no robotic spammers can leave advertising on my blog. I didn't even know it was available. It's a marvelous thing.
by Edgar Williams
I have learned from first hand experience that war is the destroyer of everything that is good in the world, it turns our young into soulless killers and we tell them that they are heroes when they master the "art" of killing.
-- Kevin Benderman
* * *
General, your tank is a powerful vehicle. It smashes down forests and crushes a hundred men but it has one defect: it needs a driver.
General, your bomber is powerful. It flies faster than a storm and carries more than an elephant but it has one defect: it needs a mechanic.
General, man is very useful. He can fly and he can kill. But he has one defect: He can think.
-- Brecht
* * *
Casey Sheehan, age 24, was killed on April 4, 2004. Bush told his grieving mother, Cindy Sheehan, that her son had made a noble sacrifice for freedom and for his country. Of course, Bush didn't go into any details about the exact nature of the mission Casey was on when he was killed or exactly what his platoon was doing when Casey was struck down and killed by enemy fire. Now Cindy Sheehan is camped outside Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch because she wants to ask him for those details. Just what was the nature of his job that made his death so noble? That's all she wants to know.
Even if Bush were to stoop to answer that question, odds are good that he doesn't know the answer. He stays as far removed from the actuality of war and death as he possible can. I'm sure it has never occurred to him to ask for details of the circumstances surrounding any of the thousands who have been killed and maimed in Iraq.
Bush probably doesn't know that Casey Sheehan was killed during the Sadr Rebellion in the slums of Baghdad. Most likely Bush doesn't have a clue about what the Sadr Rebellion was, where it was, or why it happened.
It began when, in our quest for to bring freedom and democracy to Iraq, the Coalition Provisional Authority decided that a great first step to that end would be to close down Baghdad's most popular newspaper, al Hawza. Bush's man there decided it was just too hard to build a coalition favoring the right "brand" of freedom when you had people freely speaking their minds all the time and getting that much front-page exposure. It wasn't that they weren't going to have a free press in Iraq. It was just that they weren't going to have a free press that disagreed with the Bush administration.
For some reason, the closing of their newspaper made those ingrate Iraqis mad, who knows why. Anyway, when demonstrators poured into the streets opposing the closing of the paper and demanding freedom of the press, American troops where ordered to open fire and, like the good British troops in Boston in 1776, the American troops followed their orders. Several unarmed people were killed.
That is the noble event that sparked the rebellion in which Casey Sheehan lost his life. That is the noble cause for which Cindy Sheehan lost her precious, priceless, irreplaceable son.
On July 29, 2005, Kevin Benderman started a fifteen month stretch in prison because he refused redeployment to Iraq - at least that is the reason given for his sentence. What he was guilty of was filing a conscientious objector application with the Army. He doesn't just object to the war in Iraq. He objects to all wars anywhere that are wars of aggression. Federal law prohibits prosecuting an individual for being a conscientious objector but every good lawyer knows there are more ways to skin a cat than there are cats, so the Army just convicted him of "intentionally missing movement," which is a federal crime. In other words, you can be a conscientious objector as long as it doesn't interfere with your job of killing people for the Army - even if that means shooting down unarmed civilians demonstrating for freedom of the press.
My heart goes out to Cindy Sheehan and her family. I, too, have lost a child the same age as Casey. I know what a chunk it tears from your soul. I know that that tear in my soul has never healed. I'm sure it is the same for most parents who have the brightest part of their lives snuffed out to serve some part of an incomprehensible machine. Especially when you know in your heart that in the grand scheme of the universe that human-grinding misery-producing machine headed up by tiny men like Bush and Rove and Rumsfield is just so unimportant.
At the same time, I salute Kevin Benderman and I salute his noble sacrifice of fifteen months of his life. Perhaps because of it, some young man or woman will really think about what they are doing before they offer themselves up to feed the machine. Perhaps because of his sacrifice, there will be one less parent grieving in the hot sweltering summer sun just so they can ask an unknowing and uncaring man one question: Why?
cause my mind sits in a fog
I think i'm sinking in a bog
don't send me no golldarn log.
you can tell because my poetry is bad
that i care less because it's a fad
the posts i post do make me glad
cause they express that i am mad.
my bad rhyming is a sorry state
it hides the frustrated wyman gate
i try and try but i can't abate
this awful awful rhyming state
my words are lost in chaos like stew
that doesn't mean my feelings aren't true
i think that i must be down with the flu
to keep sending this rhyming rhyming out to you
my sentences get longer still
that's because they seem so unreal
alot of letters they carry for fill
but their content is lost in a measly thrill
*this is subject to change periodically, and by all means please add or take away the words and write your own.
The Proverbial Truth About George W. Bush and Cindy Sheehan
Hang in there Cindy, the country is behind you.
by Anthony Wade
August 10, 2005Genesis 1:10
“The LORD said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground.”
George W. Bush is on vacation. Every day more children die in his war, while he is on vacation. For five weeks, George W. Bush will relax, get out in the sun, and take it easy, while your kids die. Of what value is their blood to this man? What does their sacrifice mean to a man that thinks nothing of relaxing while they die? A man who thinks so little of them, that he refuses to meet with a mother of one of the dead.
A mother of a slain soldier is sitting in a ditch outside the ranch of George W. Bush. Where is our moral president? Where is the president of family values? This is the persona that has been packaged and sold to Christians across this country and they bought it. Where is the Christianity of George W. Bush? It is one thing to say that Jesus Christ is your favorite philosopher during a photo op, but quite another thing to actually adhere to the philosophy of Christ on a daily basis.
Would Jesus Christ leave the mother of a murdered soldier sitting in a ditch in the summer heat of Texas, while he vacationed? I would think not.
****please click the title to read the rest of the story.
¶ 8/17/2005 04:50:00 PM 1 comments
"......When other churchgoers insist that the war is "worth it" no matter how many Iraqi children and American youths are killed, devout Christian women have swallowed hard and tried not to think about their own children, or about Jesus' teachings. Instead, they've tried to adjust their thinking to fit a new, revised version of Christianity wherein Our Leader has come to replace Our Savior. This revamped prowar version of the faith is what I call Bushianity."
Please click on the above title to read the rest of this article. ¶ 8/15/2005 06:36:00 AM 1 comments
"To fail to speak to the utter moral corruption of the mass destruction of civilians was to fail as a Christian and as a priest. Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in and to a world and a Christian church that had asked for it - that had prepared the moral consciousness of humanity to do and to justify the unthinkable."
- Father George Zabelka, Catholic chaplain for the 509th Composite Group, the atomic bomb crew.
