1. It causes sweating of the palms
   
2. Nervous tic's
   
3. High blood pressure
   
4. Selective hearing
5. Pacing
   
6. Darting of the eyes
7. Checking your online account frequently
8. Lots of apologies
9. Tutoring in math
10. Promises to God
    

¶ 2/24/2005 11:38:00 AM 3 comments

you are too funny mom!!!

senario:

my thoughts..."hmm, he's cute..., but he's in the
homosexual tendency
section...hmmm, damnit!!"
or: "Oh hi, don't I know you from
the yadda yadda" ....."yeah, we
should get to gether sometime"
"oh, what are you reading?" ...."oh, uh
huh, the idiot's guide to serial killing"
....hmmm.... "yeah I think
I'm going to skip out on that one.
maybe i'll just see you around next
time." fade to black.

My mother's guide to dating in the
metropolis!!!!!  I love it. You've
got a great book there mom.

so I'm stuffing my laughter down my throat
while sitting in my cubicle!! ;)

So yeah it does, dating sucks. but whatever.
at least my time is
filled with many other 'things'.


maybe put a post it on your computer
to SAVE SAVE!!! or????

love you,

¶ 2/23/2005 03:58:00 PM 5 comments

1. I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means if it is deemed that I am in a vegetative state.
2. If I should suffer from a stroke that leaves me unable to read, write, or communicate, (it must be all three) through speech my wishes for my care, I do not want to be kept alive artificially.
3. If by any means my heart should stop beating, I do not want to be resuscitated.
4. If I should die due to any circumstances whatsoever I give full permission for any organs to be harvested if deemed usable.
   
5. I wish my body to be cremated and my ashes spread over the hills and by Rose Lake near Vergas Minnesota on a warm and blustery summer day.
   
6. I leave any memorial wishes up to my children as to what would comfort them most. I do ask that "I come to the garden alone...."and "amazing grace" be sung at any service for me.
   

¶ 2/23/2005 11:01:00 AM 0 comments

Sarah Williams

A view from Oak Knoll Campground

I found this quote in a catalog that sells many different kinds of items. Among them many items dealing with witchcraft. But also beautiful jewelry and clothes. I don't really care to dabble in witchcraft or read or understand it. But ideas in jewelry design always fascinate me.

When I was very young my heart seemed to nest in sadness. I was a very melancholy sort. I used to stare up at the stars and think surely I was on the wrong one. I was very different from all those around me. I viewed the world in a very different light. While it seemed all the children were full of laughs and giggles and carefree thoughts, I was bogged down by depression and fear and a longing for something I didn't have.

In my past blogs I've talked about the Andersons, (not their real name) but how they looked out for me as I lived across the street from them as I was most often alone growing up. I also mentioned how they had been Christian Scientist's at one time. They went through a searching process to find what they considered to be the truth, this led to a very interesting journey. Some of that journey I was able to travel along on.

Where we lived in Poway California, we were not far from Mt. Palomar, possibly an hour or more, where the largest telescope of the time was located. In this link you can see some historical photo's of the building of the Mt. Palomar Observatory. They also include bits about Edwin Hubble and photo's showing the timeline of design and construction on this project. The Observatory

wasn't in full operation until 1949. It's a very interesting read to me, more so now then when I had weekly visits with the mountain.

Every week we went to hear speakers by the disciples of George Adamski.George Adamski took his world famous picture of a UFO from the Oak Knoll camground. Picture above. George Adamski started a huge cult following after his claims of encountering men from other planets. I must have been between 8 and 11 years old as I remember certain elements of school pertaining to this time. One of the speakers was Charolette Blodget.

I remember sitting entranced as they spoke. They mentioned beings from Venus and Saturn. They had a picture of someone they called Orthon. (above)
This individual to me embodied peace and security and offered unconditional love. (It Sounded like the Jesus they were trying to teach me about in Sunday School)They spoke of others from distant planets that were trying to save earth from self destruction. They claimed these beings were direct messengers of God. They were the angels that we learned about in Sunday School. Of course all this interested me so much because I could finally put a picture and a face to God himself who seemed so elusive to me. They talked of people being visited by these "angels" and given messages for mankind. These messages were always filled with hope, peace and a life lived amongst the stars, none of the fire and brimstone I was learning. They used many biblical references in explaining Ezekiel's wheel. They meshed the bible so smoothly with there teachings that after awhile I truly believed all of this stuff.

I was in awe as I sat and listened to stories about huge motherships that hid in the clouds and were aware and watching what was going on down below. I imagined there were some beings that watched out for only me. You can see where I got all my bible stories mixed up. Stories about a Planetary Government that involved a much higher evolved people. These beings were trying to teach us to avoid war and conflict, teach us that we weren't even aware of the dangers of our nuclear power. That we could actually destroy ourselves and the planet, and if that happened it would cause a major catastrophe in the alignments of all planets. On and on they spoke. Needless to say I read everything I could find on the subject. I don't know where I got them, probably from the Anderson's, but I read all of George Adamski's books. This is where I learned fun but far fetched ideas of a city on the dark side of the moon. Of what it would be like to travel space and time and wreck havoc on all the scientific theories that were proposed in those days about space and time travel.

I don't know if it was 4th or 5th grade but I had a teacher, Mr. Epps, who had a picture of Orthon on his desk. The picture faced the class instead of his chair where he would see it if sitting down. Mr. Epps was a very strange character in look and mannerisms. He was actually part of what convinced me that all this was true. He had a funny shaped head that ended in a point where the back of the head is usually round. His chin was very pointed and he had the darkest eyes. His hair color was not gray, not blonde, I couldn't figure it out. He did this funny thing sometimes where he'd put his elbows over his head and he could reach way down his back. It looked really strange on this really strange looking teacher. Put that together with his name Mr. Epps and that picture of Orthon on his desk and I was convinced he was one of "them".

About this time I wrote a letter to the president, I don't even remember which one, but I told him about stopping the war, and didn't he know this or didn't he know that. I told him to quit denying the fact that there were aliens among us.
To quit denying the fact that UFO's really existed. (I think my phone is still being tapped...ha ha) But I did receive a letter in return denouncing all of my accusations. They clearly stated there was no city on the dark side of the moon. I laugh thinking of me back then writing that letter. How strong my convictions were. This was also the time I wrote a letter to dear Abby about friends and actually got a letter back. I carried that letter with me all the time until it finally shredded in my pocket.

In 1970, I was twelve then, Erich Von Daniken had just put out a book called Chariot's of the God's. This fed my insatiable appetite for anything to do with beings from other planets inhabiting the earth. In his writing's he compared mayan ruins to spaceships and sketchings on caves to ancient astronauts. He had explanations to so many mysteries.

Some might be wondering why I'm writing this piece on this stuff. I'm wondering too. This teaching is always in the back of my mind. I was immersed in it for a long time and enjoyed the talks and commaraderie that I shared with the Anderson's as we'd talk and imagine. In my exploration of Christianity and life after death, Mormanism, Buddism, reincarnation and many more I settled on Christianity. The Great Spirit. The Creator of the Universe. I did not want to follow a mere man into a destiny that he didn't know. I wanted to be apart of the one who created the Heavens and the Earth, the one who holds the veil of stars we see everynight. There will always be things we don't understand things we don't know but if I can't put my faith in the hands who created all the worlds the one who created infinite space then I would have to believe in nothing.

I still wrestle with all kinds of questions and doubts. I still deal with issues stemming from my childhood. I know some people think you shouldn't being dragging around all that baggage. But sometimes the baggage is all we have, it's what has interpreted the world for us. Good or bad. It is where our belief systems stem from, our social skills, our trust in humanity or lack thereof. I don't have my beliefs in concrete, I don't think that would be a healthy thing, but I do believe in a creator. What's really out there is still all speculation. As a child this gave me hope that this life here, wasn't all there was. It also opened the door of my imagination where ideas flourish.

So sometimes late at night I go out and look up into the stars and am reminded of how small our world is in the big scheme of things. I am reminded that our problems no matter how big they seem are as nothing in the wide spectrum of things. I am so small in this vast universe that appears to have no end. It's a very humbling experience and also quite frightening.

I will look for shooting stars, Venus and the North Star. My daughter always proudly points out Orions Belt. I will look for the comet my mother said she'd be riding on with her mother.

Sometimes I will search with wonder and remember that little girl with her
childhood hopes and yearnings, how she set her sights on looking for that one ship that might be her own, and that it will come and take her home.

¶ 2/20/2005 11:45:00 AM 2 comments