¶ 1/31/2005 08:02:00 PM 4 comments

  My Best Friend~Picture with her Mom So I checked Vi's website and *boom* there was a picture of Cheryl with her Mom. I'm so glad I got to see a picture of them together. This caringbridge.org is a wonderful opportunity to share journal entries and pictures with your family and friends if you have a loved one that is suffering from cancer. So check it out. Thanks
  ¶ 1/31/2005 06:50:00 AM 0 comments

    ¶ 1/27/2005 11:58:00 AM 2 comments

  Bringing Home the Bacon Yesterday I did something I haven't done in quite a awhile. I went down to Robert's Bookstore and sold my books for money.

For 8 years I lived as a single mother raising my four daughters, not an easy task sometimes. During that time I worked in the evenings as a waitress at a local seafood restaurant. During the day I worked at the school fixing breakfasts and lunches for the kids. This job is where I was able to get insurance for my family. Also during this time I was able to buy a home. I was pretty damn proud of myself!

Now all went smoothly for a while until I could no longer squeeze the nozzle for rinsing the dishes off. Also where I could once balance six dinner plates on my left arm I started dropping them. Then I could no longer turn my head, my body was falling apart. Also during this time my mother passed away. This is something I'd like to cover in another blog. If only for myself. Anyway after many tests and an MRI they discovered that I had two herniated disc's in my neck and corporal tunnel in my wrists. What I'm getting at is this. Because I could not work for nearly a year we relied on creative financial planning.

This is when I discovered my books were valuable to other's beside myself. I discovered I owned alot of things that were valuable to others besides myself. We would have emergency garage sales where I opened up my home and let people come in and buy anything they wanted. This worked very well. All and all my kids adapted to our new way of life fairly easy. We survived on eating chocolate malto mill. Meatless spaghetti and lots of Mac & cheese. We were able to get food from the local food bank. So we did good. There are always people worse off then you. At Christmas time people showed up at our door heavy laden with Christmas presents. It was a wonderful Christmas, and I will always be grateful. Through help from the local employment agency I was able to get another job. I became a valet for the huge casino in town. This to me was a very fun job. I was able to drive cars I had only dreamed off. Mercedes Benz, = (this word is not in my dictionary) Corvette's, even some huge 4 wheel drive trucks and tiny sports cars etc. I loved working outside even in the rain. During big events when it rained we, the valets, would all be decked out in rain gear, running back and forth to the parking lots. If you were lucky you could park someone's car and bring someone else's car back.

I had a friend who was in a similar position with four kids. She owned an older red Mercedes Benz, but couldn't afford the gas to put in it. Sometimes we would sit in her car out front, 8 kids milling around and pretend we were cruising. We'd have our noses pointed slightly upward and be waving our princess Diana Wave. That was before "check 22" , before the checks cleared fast like they do now. If one of us needed something and had no money we'd write checks to each other to cover our checks. This gave us a 3-4 day grace period. One of our mottoes was "if you're going to write a check, write a good one". This meaning that instead of getting a bad check charge for a 5 dollar purchase write a large check and get all you need, thereby only getting one bad check charge. We always made good on our checks, sometimes it would just take a couple of extra days. Now you might be wondering why I'm writing this, and well I'm trying to remember where this was going, anyway creativity and humor can get you through some really tough times.

Now this happened before all my injuries. The girls and I were living with a sofa and chair that we had obtained from a friend. Now this sofa and chair was way overstuffed and covered with the most God awful mustard yellow scratchy material you can imagine. So because money was coming in steady we decided we needed a new sofa. We went to the local furniture store that had a layaway plan. They must have had at least 100 couches. We all went our separate ways, except the youngest, we looked and looked calling each other to see our finds. I had found the one that I wanted and gave my kids the job of figuring out which one it was. Believe it or not they found it. Today I'm still not sure we have the right couch. You see, with the layaway plan they stored our sofa in the back where we couldn't see it. And so we proceeded to make payments. I had a tip jar where I placed all the coin that I received for tips and we saved this for our payments. The furniture store was very understanding as it did take us a year to pay off our layaway. With the help of a friend we went to pick up our sofa and loveseat and I'm looking at them and swearing that this is not the right one. I don't mean cursing, mind you, I was just very sure of myself when stating this wasn't ours. They assured me it was. So we brought them home. During this year I had built up my sofa and loveseat into a Burgundy velvet overstuffed wonder. Well my couch and love seat are not velvet. They are beautiful though. I only have the loveseat left. The couch was purchased at one of my garage sales. Brought in good money too.

Where am I going with this story? I don't know! Perhaps I'm trying to say that when you're low on money there are always creative ways in bringing home the bacon.  ¶ 1/27/2005 07:29:00 AM 2 comments

 
So yesterday I was typing and thinking, and I had inadvertently kept a finger on some key and now my computer clicks everytime I type a letter and it will not repeat the same letter or any key for that matter more then once. I've checked my keyboard function in settings and display and it says it works fine. It says my repetition speed is fast, I don't think so. Who knows what I've done and can you help me fix it?
  ¶ 1/27/2005 06:35:00 AM 0 comments

  Dusty Windowsill Dusty Windowsill I just finished reading this post on Jessica's blog. She's a young girl in Canada, I think any farmers might find this kind of funny.  ¶ 1/26/2005 10:23:00 AM 0 comments

  Ask me a question, any Question. So anyway I've been sitting at this !#$#@! computer along time already today. Between reading everyone's blogs and surfing the internet to see what jobs I could do at home when a thought occurred to me. This has nothing to do with surfing the internet mind you, but just how my mind works. A few days ago my husband said I should have a column. Yes, he said you'd be good at giving advice. I know between my kids and my few friends I do give out alot of advice. Some is wanted and some not. I'm a typical mother when it comes to handing out advice. I think my background and experience has given me alot of common sense and some basic principals, (is that supposed to have an e) like looking in dictionary's to find the correct spelling of a word. I have a large Merriam Webster Dictionary that I always use when I'm writing. Sometimes the words just don't look right when seen in front of you, so most times I check. Today my hands are frozen because I won't take the time to build a fire. Makes looking in a dictionary more difficult then usual. I do use the spelling check sometimes, but sometimes they don't acknowledge words I use. My kids keep yelling at me to get off the internet because they can never get a hold of me. I don't have a second line to my house for another phone so that's just the way it is. Why I got off on that I don't know, but yes, I should definitely build a fire. So I have an invitation to offer: If you have a question ask me, let's see how I do? Just for fun. Am I scattered? No, I just have numb fingers and my mind is full of ideas and thoughts right now. I hope you followed this post okay. Well I used the wrong word, the correct word would be principle. I am not writing about my pal or interest earned at the bank.

P.S. You can always post as "anonymous".
  ¶ 1/26/2005 09:46:00 AM 3 comments

  Vi has died I have had a link to Vi's Page for awhile now. If you remember she is my friends mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday I was checking on any updates to her condition when I read her sons latest update. Vi died yesterday morning.

This had quite an impact on me. It happened way too fast. She was just up the day before having breakfast with everybody and then yesterday she wouldn't wake up. I immediately got off the internet and called Cheryl. She was very numb to the situation as I'm sure alot of her family were shocked. Cheryl said she had called hospice because her mother's breathing was not sounding right. I knew by what she described that she was hearing the death rattle. What a terrible term but widely used when describing someone in the last stage of dying. Her mother died before hospice could come. She described the situation of all the family members gathered around her mother's bed. She had wanted to keep her mother there for an extra day, I guess so other family could come and say their goodbyes. This was not feasible. She said the hardest thing was watching the funeral home workers putting her mother in a bag and zipping her up. I think this would have been horrifying! I thought they would have put her on a gurney and taken her out that way. Maybe they do it different now, I don't know.

She went on to explain that at least her mother didn't have to go through the agony and pain that everyone said she would have to endure. That at least she went peacefully in her sleep. Even though she has lots of family and friends around I wanted to be there for her. Even though I know Cheryl won't read this as she doesn't do computers and internet I want to say, I am so sorry about your mother, so sorry.
  ¶ 1/24/2005 07:29:00 AM 4 comments

  Compose Mode I love to get up in the Morning and go to the internet right away. I have fallen into the habit of checking out my favorite blogs. I like to see what everyone has written and see what is going on in their lives.

• Is this the sign of a lonely life?
• Does this mean I have more time on my hands then I know what to do with?

I don't think so. The one thing about reading other peoples blogs is that you usually get the heart of the person right there on the page. Now I'm not saying blogging replaces friendship but this blogging cuts away alot of crap normal relationships require. There are no formal introductions, we don't have to mill around each other waiting to get to know someone before we start to share what is going on in our lives. Or visa versa. Also this blogging saves face. If we don't like or want to hear what someone else is saying we don't even have to be rude, we can just push the "next blog" button or write our own.
  ¶ 1/24/2005 07:11:00 AM 1 comments

  avoiding again This is something I just learned from searching the help site on blogger. What this little format does when added to your link, right after the last quotation mark and before the title of your link, is open the link in a new window. Now if you want all your links in new windows it's best to click on the window button up in the right hand corner of your window. That way people don't have to use the back button to get back to your blog. Now I think this is quite handy myself. And for those of you who already know this, I'm glad, I learn best by discovery(which should be done through research, but sometimes I just have to stumble on the right thing) is brought about by my questions. Of course this little tid bit is best used without those funny {} things. This I learned from trying to help Cliff and got lost myself in an explanation but was helped by another blogger. Apparently these little {} things when put around html's will let you write out an html without getting the error message. If you try to type in html's it will publish those instead of showing the format. Confusing? Of course I'm trying to explain something I just learned. I don't know how to explain it yet, and you see by this constant jabber I am avoiding what I need to write about.
  ¶ 1/23/2005 10:00:00 PM 0 comments

 

"We all have bad thoughts and unpleasantness in us. If we make films of people who don't have these things then we make ourselves lonelier. We must be honest with ourselves." Jane Champion

This tidbit of knowledge I found posted on my daughter's website on flickr. I am sure she wouldn't mind me borrowing it from her, as I'm sure she borrowed it from somewhere else. I have pasted this here because I think it says the same thing C.S. Lewis said "we read to know we're not alone". Having just woken up from a nap I came to the conclusion that I must be true to myself and not hide behind made up names. If what I have posted in my blogs causes (excuse the profanity) the shit to fly, well then I will just have to duck. So if anyone is interested in who I am it won't be hard to spot me in this photo I am the one in the middle of all my beautiful daughters. I am out in the open.

So there you have it.

  ¶ 1/23/2005 09:06:00 PM 0 comments

  A Walk In The Park This morning I took the dogs for a walk to the beach. It's a bit overcast but otherwise mild weather today. Where I go there is massive parking lots on both sides of the creek because in the summer people flock to this area. In the winter it's usually very quiet. When you get out of your car you can pick up the scent that is truly Oregon. The smell of the pines and fir trees, the occasional cedar. The moss that grows abundantly around here, the decay of trees and the beds of rotted leaves and pine needles.

In this park there are paths everywhere meandering through bushes and scrub pine, under fallen trees and through blackberry bushes. The creek was full today with logs that have been pushed up into the waterway from heavy storms. There are three bridges that you can cross on your way from one area to another. Through all this are numerous picnic benches and firepits. In some areas the whole ground is bathed in moss. It's like walking on a carpet that's very cushiony. I love walking through here, there are places that if you were a child you'd be in heaven. Some of the trees are so large that in the base of their trunk are hollows you could hide in. Some of the areas of scrub brush have places where you can see have been used by kids or homeless people as small forts.


There have been recent writes ups in the local paper how this park is not very safe anymore because it is frequented by the homeless, drug dealings and dog kidnappings. Usually when I come here with the dogs and my daughter we just head to the beach where it is open and people traveling on hiway 101 can see those on the beach. But today I explored more then I normally would. I followed the creek east for a while and came upon the most beautiful Douglas fir. The base of the tree was probably around 15 feet around. It had one of those hollows that an adult could have fit in. I was very tempted! But the branches are what held my gaze. They were so graceful. I'd say some of these branches must have been about 20 feet long or more. While because of their weight they naturally fall downward they also make surprising and elegantly curved reaches for the sky. They reminded me of outstretched arms waiting to embrace something. As if saying "come, come here, I will welcome you and hold you" silly isn't it that I would think that?

Well we never made it to the beach we just stayed in the park today. I wish I could share it with you, maybe I did a little.  ¶ 1/23/2005 10:31:00 AM 0 comments

  Everynight when I go to bed I have to read. Now earlier I stated that this is how I do my traveling. Well the last couple of nights I've been traveling inside Joel Saltzman's brain. I'm really not that familiar with all of who he is, but I have been reading one of his books and learning a great deal. Beside all of his other lesson plans, last night was about rewriting. All great authors let their writing sit and steep for a while like a good cup of tea, then they go back and cut and shred all that they have written so their words flow easily from the page to the readers mind. He stated how a good author can make writing seem effortless, when in actuality they have worked very hard, spending hours on sentences just so you and I can get the right message. Also a point that I was particulary fond of was how everyone holds within themselves the ability to be a great writer but the ones who patiently and tirelessly rewrite are the ones who stand out. Here are a few quotes from some famous authors about rewriting:

• "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock proof shit detector". Ernest Hemingway

• "I always listen for what I can leave out." Miles Davis

• "I find I have...... a tendency to overwrite, to use two or three words where one will do better. I have to go back and cut and cut". John Steinbeck

• "A writer's best friend is the wastepaper basket". Isaac Bashevis Singer
  

I think the last could be updated by inserting "delete button" where wastepaper basket is. But who am I to edit Isaac Singer. He was one of my mother's favorite authors.

I know I have lots of work to do. I am not in the rewriting stage yet, I'm still trying to get all my tea into the cup. But my goal right now is to write and write and write, even if it seems I have nothing to say. And even if what I say is said badly. The very exercise of writing is my goal. So if anyone reads my "stuff", I'm not finished yet.




  ¶ 1/22/2005 09:40:00 AM 1 comments

  Peanut Butter Yesterday was such a gorgeous day. The sun was bright, no clouds in the sky and it felt like it was in the 60's. I had a wonderful day hanging out with the dogs. As I write this I'm thinking of Cliff,and Marty's blogs about their dogs. It's such a wonderful day that I think I'll take the dogs for a walk. The leashes are no where to be found, so I realize my husband has them in his truck again. So the dogs will have to settle for being tied up out front. Now I don't have to tie Gunnar up as he is perfectly content to be wherever Sis is, so she's the one that's anchored to the property. So I proceed to tie her and then I think what a lovely day for them to sit out front and play with their big rubber toys. I mean the kind that you fill with treats that supposedly keep them busy for hours. Well I always line the insides with peanut butter because dogs naturally like peanut butter. So as they are both busy at getting every bit of peanut butter from their toy I putz around the yard. It feels like summer so I'm pinching off dead growth on the plants out front. Suddenly I look up and Gunnar is nowhere in sight. When I go back into the house, there he is laying on the floor, peanut butter jar up to his eyesballs his big black nose showing through the end of the jar. While I try to be firm with my dogs, sometimes they are just too cute! I can just hear his thoughts as he watched me go from one plant to another, "think I'll mosey on up to the house see what I can find". So needless to say we are out of peanut butter and their toys will have to sit unattended for awhile.
  ¶ 1/22/2005 09:07:00 AM 0 comments

 
Body Surfing Dogs

Awesome day at the beach, middle of January too.

  ¶ 1/21/2005 06:06:00 PM 0 comments

  Farm In Rollag MN
  ¶ 1/20/2005 09:50:00 AM 1 comments

 
  ¶ 1/20/2005 07:51:00 AM 0 comments

  I have told myself that
today I am going to get alot of other things done. I spent hours on here yesterday, reading blogs of others, playing with colors and templates. Today I must work on my jewelry and some other projects I have going. At this time I don't have a digital camera so I scan everything and then upload it to flickr and then bring the html to this site. I just found the link button above and now when you click on flickr above you will go there. This is so incredible!!!! It's amazing, is it any wonder I can't seem to leave my computer?! So at present I have pictures in flickr, I don't know if my pictures are set up for everyone to see or not. I'll have to check back on that. But I woke up this morning thinking about all the things I could do on this blog and was trying to get out of bed when my dogs had me surrounded. They probably figured that if they held me in the bed they wouldn't have to get up and settle for laying around at my feet while I'm on this computer. But I won, I sit here, coffee and a smoke, dogs at my feet.

But anyway I was going to try and scan some of my jewelry and see how that works to put up on my site. Maybe I could get a little feed back on that. TTFN
  ¶ 1/20/2005 07:21:00 AM 2 comments

    ¶ 1/19/2005 10:41:00 PM 0 comments

  Writer's Palette I am very excited ! I have seen alot of white blogs today and thought it looked so refreshing so I have changed mine to white. Not only is it clean and fresh, like sheets hanging out to dry....I can use any color for my font. Having had a green template before left me with few choices that go with green. I used purple alot or darker green. Ah, but now, it's like a painting. Any colors at all. Plus the fact that I have figured out somewhat how to do this html thing without too much trouble. I finally figured that if I save my template to word pad or something I can play around with it, without worrying about losing anything, permanently. It takes me awhile to catch on. But half the fun is in the learning. So I've played enough for a while and will get on to something else.
  ¶ 1/19/2005 09:48:00 PM 0 comments

 

  ¶ 1/19/2005 08:33:00 PM 0 comments

  Closing Libraries Yes, it's hard to believe but that's what they've gone and done in Salinas California. I can't understand how, I don't understand politics that much, too mind boggeling but how can a rich state like CA not afford to keep three libraries open. $7,000,000 that's how. They said they will try to have some after school programs open for kids to do homework and stuff. Now how much is that going to cost? I would think this would fit in with the "No child left behind" act, wouldn't you? I mean that town is full of migrant workers, low income families people who have no access to books or information, and now the big Library Door is being slammed in their faces. How can this happen in the information age? How can this happen in a place that John Steinbeck lived in? Are we rebuilding Iraq? Are we losing our men and woman so Iraq can enjoy some liberties? We need to keep public institutions open like this so people can learn about freedom and liberties.

They will start the closures starting in May and ending in June.

Bake Sale?

  ¶ 1/19/2005 01:50:00 PM 0 comments

  Stuffy Writing? Yes Stuffy Writing? Am I writing like I talk or writing how I want to talk? Am I trying to sound more intelligent then I am? I don't know, I just want to write. After sitting at this computer for a while and getting a little depressed because I don't think I having anything valuable to say I went and layed down and read my copy of the above book. (you have to click on title to get there) If you can talk you can write. I was very inspired by that. I can relate to people on a lot of different things. I think I've been through quite a few things in my life that might be able to relate to other people. Did I just say that before too? Anyway, I'm going to try his lessons on this blog and see how I do. A list of his lessons are as follows:

1. Pause, my dog wants a pat
2. that wasn't a lesson....
3. I can't find a list of lessons...Wait
   
4. Here we go...Talking on Paper
5. If you don't know what to say, start saying it. If I continued in this vein I'd probably get fined for plagiarism.
   
6. I'm going to start over and list his "Parts" of the book.

1. From Fear to Freedom
2. Writing vs. Talking on Paper
3. But what do I write about?
4. Writing vs. Rewriting or "I've finally got a first draft. Now what?"
5. Rules of the Road

Well I wrote that and I'll give you a run down on what I just read. I'm not supposed to worry so much about what I write but just the fact that I'm writing. I need not worry about grammar or puntuation or any of that other goggely gook, because for me I don't know what alot of that stuff means anyway. I just like to write. Period.. I do know that I sometimes have to pause and make things sound a little better. That is a no no when writing. Or until you've at least finished what it is your writing. Don't want to clog the head up to much with should I should I not say that. I worry about that alot. He has alot of good advice in this book. I'm not trying to sell his book mind ya, I'm just saying it was an inspiration to me so Like I was saying it's good. Let me go on now....He talks alot about what writer's do to avoid writing, my big one is, playing with my template, posting pictures, and changing colors and fonts and stuff. Hmmmmm. Progress Not Perfectionism. That was something from AA on a T-Shirt that he put in his book. Anyway first exercise, 2 minute exercise of talking on paper. Writing what ever comes to your head and just flowing with that, sentences come from the words we put down. One stupid word can start an essay. Can I get in trouble for quoting quotes that he quoted in his book? This next sentence is something John Steinbeck once said "never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is down. Rewrite in progress is usually found to be an excuse for not going on". I think I covered that. I'm doing a really good job of it myself right now. By the way I went to John Steinbeck's house in Salinas back in 1974. A terrible plan when you're suffering from agoraphobia. I'd like to go there now though. I think Salinas is the town where they are going to close all the libraries because of tax cuts. Can you believe that? I'll write about that next. I don't know how to post that link inside this compose box. Plus that will just distract me from writing again.

He says in the book that Amy Tan author of "Good Luck Club" and "Kitchen God's Wife" was told she was a terrible writer and should just be an account manager. Geeze, there's hope for alot of us. Eeeck, I just had a terrible thought that somebody out there is thinking when they read my stuff that Yea, Bridgesitter should be an accountant! But....He has an exercise for that too, I'll paraphrase it: name all those people whose voices you hear telling you you can't write and put them on a piece of paper and get them the hell out of there. I need your name please.

So as you can see this book has had a impact on me. I have not even scratched the surface on all his tidbits of good stuff, and don't think I should have to write about the whole thing here. I have alot of my own stuff to say. But here is one thing he says alot, or other's say through him in the pages, "if it interests me, it interests others". Okay. Enough already.

  ¶ 1/19/2005 01:16:00 PM 1 comments

  Imaginings-Ramblings..... Looking out my window as I write I see the silhouettes of the trees, as far as I can tell there is no color yet. Black and gray like an old movie. Painters can usually find colors where others see none. An example is when things are overcast and looking at the sky and sea it's hard to define what those colors are. I know I've tried to figure it out. There's so much more then just the black and gray but that's what I see this morning. Even as I write this I can see colors forming, the grass getting green, how would I paint that? It's green, I know it's green but what color of green? How would I mix that color? My favorite paintings are usually ones done in pastels. There's something about the texture of the pastel when put on a good grade of paper that I like very much.

I have a picture that Gustav Klimt did, ( I should say cheap poster cut to fit a nice frame), but it's of tall hollyhocks, purples, whites and pinks, against a prairie background. In the left hand corner you can see a small farm. The sky is a mixture of white, grays and blues. I love how he did the pastures. I marvel at how he made the foreground as if you were sitting in amongst the stalks of hollyhocks, and yet through the right colors and perspective you know that the farm is set way back. It sits on the horizon between field and sky. I can picture myself there walking the fields. I love the sound of dirt against my feet, I can smell the air and hear the insects buzzing all around. My face turned to the sun basking in it's warmth.

I have a very good imagination and am good at putting myself in pictures, books and in the shoes of other people. Sometimes this is good, other's not so good. Reading books is where I've done most of my traveling. I have been to Nantucket in the 1800's during the mining of the sperm whale. I walked the streets deserted of men, business' and families all run by the women
left behind for this purpose, while the men hunt the whale. I imagine the foul smell of the decaying whales blowing through curtained windows as children run barefoot through the muck. I've been to Cape Cod as it was settled by the pilgrims back in the 1500's. Their struggle to survive in an untamed land, loosing most of the settlers to winters and starvation. I've sympathized with the Indians as they watched piece by piece of their land inundated with white people. I could go on and on, and maybe another time I will, but I think that's enough for now.

There is a scripture in the bible saying "judge not, lest thou be judged", and I four one can testify to that. Little things throughout my life bring back remembrances of my petty judgments. One of the first I can recall puts me back in someone's kitchen, I was helping a friend babysit. As the children ran around screaming and fussing. The house was a mess. I remember thinking, as I'm trying to sweep cheerios stuck to the floor, that when I have kids I will do so much better then this. Boom, years later, cheerios stuck to the floor, kids unwashed, fussing, the house atrocious, I'm back in that kitchen from years ago thinking I was going to do so much better then that. Looking at a woman who gained weight through the birth of her children and never lost it, I was never going to let that happen to me. Four kids later trying to put on a pair of old levi's, and I'm seeing the woman I had judged. The latest that was very hard for me to face was the fact that" I was never going to live in a mobile home". This said when trying to find a place we could afford. We ended up in a little fish house on a spot of land, (a fish house being a 4 x 8 structure, purpose sitting on frozen lake fishing), no running water, no toilet no nothing for 3 months. When we finally got our 1967 mobile put on this land it became my mansion, my castle and I was so grateful for the luxury's of running water and toilets. This mobile was almost as old as me, but I remember laying in bed and looking at the white ceiling, the windows and just being amazed that I could be so judgmental to think people who lived in mobiles were less, were less then, I can't find the word. Maybe too horrible to think I could have thought it. Anyway, I try to keep judging people far from my mind. It's not something I should do or anyone else for that matter. I just know that I have always found myself in the very shoes that I have judged. I don't want to be there anymore.
  ¶ 1/18/2005 07:34:00 AM 0 comments

  Monday Monday It's Martin Luther King Day early am. Laying in bed craving some chai tea with milk, good and hot. Opened the door to let the puppies out, though it's too dark to see the sound of the rain outside made it all to clear, nobody wanted to go outside. They'd rather lay here on the floor next to my feet then cozy up on the couch. No stranger I guess then me wanting to sit at this computer slippers on my feet, shawl around my shoulders when I could be cozy in bed. Our stove, even as little as it is, sure can go through the stuff. I think me thinks too much. I'm sitting looking at my keyboard thinking of what I should write about. It's best if I just write. Sis keeps bringing me an old sock wanting to play. She's so cute. Her brown eyes are so soft you can't help but reach down and pet her and smile. Even if she is the runt of the bunch she can put any dog in its place that's for sure. Gun just lays there, he's kind of like Odie without the energy.

I have no comments on anything yet this morning, I haven't read any news on-line or in the paper. We don't have cable which I'm glad about, it seems the minute we have cable someone always finds a reason for it to be on. I don't like noise. Most days when it's just me and the dogs we have no noise, but each other. I like it that way. I'd rather read a book then watch a movie. I'd rather work on my jewelry then watch a sitcom, I do miss certain shows though. Monk was one of my favorites. I loved watching a&e, the discovery channel. Some times I feel like one of those pac man thingy's, I want to eat up as much information as possible. It really sucks sometimes because trying to retrieve the information after having swallowed it up is near impossible. I might get a fact, but the name eludes me. I might be able to give you a run down on the story, but backing it up with names and places, well forget it. It's almost like I'm running on empty all the time, fill me up fill me up. Feed me more.

I really detest reality shows, survivor etc. They are always so dramatic and bring out the worst human attributes, God forbid if some ET's happened upon those shows and saw how people can behave. I do realize they show that people are survivalists, but must they subject everyone to the petty jealousies and betrayals? Anyway I've blabbed enough about that already. My mother used to say "the only thing that separates us from the barbarians, are our manners". I don't know where she got this, but I think it's basically true.

  ¶ 1/17/2005 04:10:00 AM 0 comments

  Statuary Hell

  ¶ 1/14/2005 09:04:00 PM 0 comments

  recent pic's 1   ¶ 1/14/2005 07:01:00 PM 1 comments

  recent pic's 2   ¶ 1/14/2005 07:01:00 PM 1 comments

  bridgesitter bridgesitter
Had a terrible thought, just because my name is (see above) please don't tell me to jump. My name originated, *cough cough* from the simple fact I couldn't think of a nickname for myself when writing to a friend, I needed something to add to my last name. I've had others like blah blah blah country singer, blah blah blah harbor mistress and so forth. Just some fyi in case anyone's interested.   ¶ 1/12/2005 11:01:00 AM 0 comments

  First Baby
First Baby
Originally uploaded by bridgesitter.

Yep, my first. First of 4

  ¶ 1/11/2005 11:49:00 PM 1 comments

  Vi I've posted a web site that takes you to caringbridge.org where family members can post pictures and updates on a family member who is suffering from cancer. This web site is for my friend Cheryl's mom Violet. As of yet there are no pictures posted but I think it's a great idea to keep your family and friends updated like this.  ¶ 1/06/2005 07:44:00 AM 1 comments

  Winter Sun The house was cold when I woke up today. We are out of firewood again. At first glance outside my window I thought it had snowed. But it was just a very thick layer of frost. It's very cold but the coffee is hot, I'm wearing long underwear under my clothes, socks with my slippers and thinking of California. Someday I would like to move back, but I'm afraid there won't be any places left with open fields and sagebrush. At least non that the average person could afford. Yes, I want to be warm in the sun and have a longer growing period for flowers and vegetables. I don't care if I'm by water, but that would be nice. I would love to putz amongst my flowers and veggies, play in the fields with my dogs and be productive with my craft.

There are always so many things that I'm trying to make. I'm working on a purse for one of my daughters that I have spent many hours on. I beaded a picture of Marilyn Monroe to put on the front flap. I'm using some wonderful old pink velvet that came from some upholstery. It should be quite nice when I'm finished. I'm also designing purses and mittens that are made from old wool sweaters. I have a large collection of wool that I've shrunk and cut into pieces for such projects. I also have a large collection of silk.(I made out like a bandit at a thrift store, silk blouses for a dollar.) Then I'm collecting corduroy for quilts. Besides all this I'm also creating jewelry that I make from a wide variety of things. I love old necklaces that I can take apart and incorporate into my new creations. I can be busy at this stuff all day, and then I discovered blogging. Now I don't have enough time for everything....my God! Who's going to make dinner? Do the laundry?

Through all this my dogs keep me very busy, Siskiyou thinks that she should be apart of what ever I'm doing so she jumps up on my desk to examine what is going on. Her front paws sit at the keyboard, her ears are back and I swear she is smiling. She really wants to be one of the girls. When my youngest is brushing her teeth or putting on makeup, Sis is there paws on the sink trying to look beautiful too. When my daughters visit she must sit in the middle of us, touching us and letting out friendly little growls that tell us to include her. She's quite adorable. Her brother, Gunnar is very lackadaisical, huge, but wonderfully cuddly. I will try to post pictures, I say try because I have not yet mastered this skill.

The sun is getting high, it casts a yellow light on everything. The large pines I see from my window are all slanted facing east. The strong wind off the ocean makes sure of this. I am safely sheltered from this wind because of a large hedge of blackberry bushes, and scrub brush.

Out front there is a little round herb garden that someone must have planted years ago. It's probably around 5 ft' in diameter. There is parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme growing there. Hmm, sound familiar? This is enclosed by a border of small rocks and shells. In the center I have anchored my mother's birdbath that I've carried from Oregon to Minnesota and back again. In the spring I will work on making this more presentable as it is strewn about with weeds, rocks and mole holes. My husband is a Landscaper by trade, not working at it at present though.

The puppies are sleeping again, laying on the couch basking in the sun. My feet are still cold despite the socks and slippers and my hands are a little numb, makes typing difficult. I have hit the backspace frequently in this post and have had to look up the spelling of words as my mind seems to be unable to spell today. We have plenty of kindling but I don't want to waste this to keep warm. Randy will bring home firewood tonight after work and we will be warm again. I think I will take a hot shower and try to do something else productive for awhile. Good day....  ¶ 1/04/2005 11:57:00 AM 1 comments

  So Smart, So Intellectual Here is a great site if you are wanting to take some fun IQ tests. It's a good way to while away some time, also gave me some interesting insights into my personality. Which of course gave me some new topics to write about. And last but not least, If you are looking to feel better about yourself, they will e-mail you a letter telling you how awesome you are and what you're capable of. I don't know if it's bogus or not, but it's fun.  ¶ 1/04/2005 09:20:00 AM 0 comments

 





  ¶ 1/03/2005 08:14:00 AM 3 comments

  Morning Coffee and a Smoke Yup, I do so look forward to my morning coffee and a cigarette. Somethings have to take place before that though. I must get up and get a fire going , today my husband lit one, so nice to wake up with warmth in the house. Then I must let the dogs out. This is quite a procedure as only one can go out at a time. If I let them both out they would take off and be gone for hours. Not good. After each one has had their turn they wait by the "treat" jar. I guess I have inadvertenly trained them to receive treats when coming home. So Gunnar he grows bigger. Then I must heat up my coffee in the microwave, eeck! but my husband he leaves so early in the morning that it's cold when I get up. I do set it up for him the night before because I feel guilty I don't have a job. I do alot of things for him because I feel guilty I don't have a job. After making sure the puppies have gone back to sleep and the fire is burning nicely then, ah, my coffee. I like what I think is called shots in the dark. I like my two shots of espresso in my regular coffee with lots of cream and sugar. It's a very soothing and warming thing for dealing with the harsh realities of daylight. Today I'm going to put in some poetry that I have written in the past.
  ¶ 1/03/2005 08:14:00 AM 0 comments

  I have no title for this..... I just finished watching a movie that I really enjoyed, the Manchurian Candidate with Denzel Washington. Denzel Washington did such a great performance in this as a veteran of the Gulf War that my heart broke just watching him. I found it very hard to watch him play such a feeble and vulnerable character after all the take charge characters of his recent movies. I would highly recommend this movie to all as it also explores what science is actually doing these days with the latest in technology, it makes for a very scary scenario.


  ¶ 1/02/2005 10:22:00 PM 0 comments

  Murder In Poway I wasn't kidding when I said in another of my blogs that I have been flooded by images of my "home" town. Today I was searching on the internet for something relating to a fire we had back in the 60's there and then proceeded to search for information about a murder that took place there in 1967. I was brought to zodiac killer websites, and people apparently seeing if they can solve the zodiac killings. I just wanted to find out if they ever found the murderer. I just remember helicopters hovering overhead searching the very hills that I spent so much time playing in. My brother new this girl from school. It was a very big shock to our little community. The police were even going door to door checking shoe sizes of the men who lived in the area. We expressed grateful prayers and sighs of relief when we were told that my brother's shoes were too big. He wore a size 12. Years later my mother and my aunt Kay were talking about that murder and they both thought that their father, my grampa, could've done it. I wasn't really that shocked about the idea of that. My grandfather, forgive me, but I knew long before anyone told me, that my grandfather was a pedophile. Maybe the term is too strong, no? Anyway, I was the youngest child in our home and was left alone for many hours. Mother worked full time as a nurse, probably six days a week. My older brother and sister had lives of their own. So like I said I was alone alot. Thankfully the "Anderson's" lived across the street. They more or less watched out for me. Often my grandfather would come for a visit bringing his homemade mustard pickles. He was "very" old in my eyes, but now I realize he was in his late 50's early 60's. He was a big man with huge hands and a barrel chest. I alwalys greeted him with a smile though I was very wary of him. He'd come into our kitchen and sit down at the table and do a little chit chat with me. Invariably he always wanted me to sit on his lap and give him a kiss. I would try to do this, afterall he was my grandfather right, but I always felt icky, the way his eyes would look at me, he had one glass eye. His hands were so large that if he wanted to, he could grab me and not let go. The strange thing about his visits though was the fact that Mrs. Anderson always showed up to check on me when he was there. I didn't know until many years later why this was so. My mother knew about my father from her own experiences and feared for my safety. She had confided in Mrs. Anderson her worries and had asked her to come and check on me when he was there. This she did religiously, and saved me from who knows what. If only she could have been there all the other times I needed saving. But back to my story, my mother and my aunt both felt my grandfather was very capable of killing someone. My grandfather had 7 children with a very well mannered, quiet and stoic woman, my grandmother Anne. She was adored by all of her children, I don't know if any of them ever blamed her for what happened to them. It was a very different time back then, you couldn't just take the children and run to a women's shelter. There were no welfare programs available to help a woman on her own with 7 children. So she endured as did her sons and her daughters.

  ¶ 1/01/2005 10:09:00 AM 0 comments